He brings you flowers but loves domestic violence jokes.

He expects you to pay attention to his wild Anti-Semitic conspiracy theories but rolls his eyes when you mention police brutality or the wage gap.

He enjoys slinging around racial slurs, even at you, as a “joke” but gets offended at the mere mention of white privilege.

Mr. Problematic is a surprisingly common archetype in this time of social justice warriors and alt-right red pillars. This person does not have to be male, but they are always willfully ignorant. If you are a feminist, anti-racist, or even remotely progressive in regards to social issues, you may find yourself shocked at the frequency of mainstream misogyny and white supremacy. It’s a love story as old as social media: you thought your mate was alrighty but they are actually alt-righty.

Recently a few very prominent feminists and social activists have been caught dating people with well-documented alt-right leanings. For instance, Laci Green became so popular for her feminist YouTube videos that she made it to MTV. Now she is dating the anti-PC Chris Ray Gun, a You Tube personality whose views on human rights and gender equality diametrically oppose her own. Let's talk about this millennial phenomenon.

Of course, no one is perfect and we are all constantly learning from each other. Self-criticism is vital. However, if your partner stubbornly refuses to respect you or anyone else based on gender identity, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, that is an unhealthy relationship.

Typically, you must have a fair amount of privilege to find yourself in this position in the first place. I know that my privilege initially shielded me from latent racism and sexism in previous relationships. As a white Latina who feels comfortable with their assigned gender, I did not always see the problems with what I was hearing.

I told myself the uncomfortable things I heard were just poorly timed jokes or a product of poor education. After all, I was never affiliated with actual Nazis or anything. It was not until I was blessed with my current partner and a diverse group of friends that I realized how much I had tried to justify in the past. I focused on the positive, because Mr. Alt-Right can have good qualities too. That said, I should not have ignored the red flags. This continues to make me sick with guilt.

The racist comments I sometimes ignored back then dehumanized the person I love now and people like him. How could I have cared for people who frequently insinuated that false rape accusations were as big of a problem as actual rape, who casually supported victim blaming, when so many of my loved ones have been victims of sexual assault?

Back then I considered myself progressive. Sure, I argued with these problematic people about the things they said and believed many times, but I still chose to stand by them and defend them to other people. Being Ms. Alt-Right Apologist is just as bad as being Mr. Alt-Right.

In no way am I saying that you have to be with someone who thinks just like you. Ideological and cultural differences bring life to any relationship. Hell, my parents are on opposite ends of the political spectrum and they have been married nearly forty years!

I wrote this article because I screwed up. I was so blinded by legitimately good parts of these people in my past that I ignored some seriously damaging stuff. Productive discourse is a wonderful thing, and silence can be violence. If Mr. Alt-Right is being an ass, call him on it. If the people you let into the most intimate corners of your life keep insisting on saying and doing awful things, dump them.