When faced with the task of dating in 2016, putting yourself out there doesn’t seem to cut it anymore. Not only do you have to have the perfect profile picture, a witty-but-not-too-trying description of yourself, and interesting-but-not-too-weird of hobbies, but you also have to be fabulous in person and fit that online version of yourself without seeming like it’s all as contrived as it really is. And if, after all of that online creeping of someone, you finally decide to “hang out” in person (because calling it a date would be the END of the world), the real trouble has just begun.

Stage 1: Talking.

I hear this phrase all the time; I’m even guilty of using it myself. We’re just talking. It’s what we say when asked what’s going on with the person we’re interested in. Instead of saying we’re seeing each other or dating, we use talking. It’s noncommittal, casual, and keeps it simple. The word “talking” can keep people on the hook like no other, too. It’s the almost promise of dating that we all hope for, so there we are being strung along by the term “talking.” You also don’t have to feel bad while you string several people along this talking stage because after all, it’s not serious; you’re just talking. No big deal. Why not talk to everyone you possibly can for now, right? The person you’re interested in is probably doing it too, right? At least that's what we tell ourselves to justify it. This should only last about 1 month then you can move on to being even more unsure of what's going on because no one wants to define or commit to anything anymore! Woohoo!

Stage 2: Non-Committal Dating.

You might think this is an upgrade from talking, but let me assure you it’s only more confusing at this point. At least with talking you knew that neither one of you was serious (although let’s be serious—someone is always more serious in the talking stage compared to the other person.) Now you’re stuck in a purgatory of “Does he/she really like me? Is this actually going somewhere? Oh no, I think I feel more deeply than they do! What if he/she doesn’t like me as much as I like them?! What are we doing?” These are the thoughts that plague the minds of all who are stuck in the non-committal dating stage. Also, don’t be fooled by the term “dating” here. It’s simply another way to say you’re “talking” but it’s been long enough (i.e. about a month) that continuing to phrase it that way to other people makes you sound pretty lame. Unfortunately, this stage can last a bit longer than the former; you’re looking at about 2 months here.

Stage 3: Dating.

Hurrah! You FINALLY got him/her to say the words aloud: "we’re dating." What does that mean here, though, you ask? Beats the hell out of me. Here’s my take on it, though. Once you’re dating, people start to have expectations. These can range from chill all the way to crazy, and it’s up to you both to set and limit these expectations. That means you *gasp* actually have to have a conversation about your (dare I say the word...) relationship. The term “relationship” at this stage still doesn’t mean you’re in one and that’s important to remember. Don’t delude yourselves into thinking otherwise, people! You are not—I repeat not—in a relationship! You’re dating, and they are completely different. At this point you’ve met each other's friends, gone out on several dates, talk consistently, and are still getting to know one another on a deeper level. The lucky ones might have even gone exclusive at this point to further show that they think there is a future together, but most will still be dating 1 or 2 more people at the same time. This should last for about another month or 2.

Stage 4: Committed Dating.

Hey guess what? You’re still not in a relationship! However, you have become monogamous. That might seem like you’re in a relationship, but at this point there still isn’t a promise of a future together and you’re not serious enough to be meeting each other’s families. However, you like each other more than you liked the rest of the other people you were dating so you’re together exclusively now. Committed dating is the precursor to being in a relationship because it’s a little taste of what it would be like to finally make it FB Official and contemplate your future as a couple. This is the make it or break it phase because it shouldn’t last all that long. Again, this is a precursor to being in a full-fledged relationship so it’s not meant to drag on. This stage should last about a month, maybe 2 for the people with cold feet. Any more than that and it signals that one of you isn’t ready to get serious, so the other one of you needs to get out before you get hurt.

Stage 5: Monogamous Relationship:

You did it. You pulled a Monty Python and found that Holy Grail. You’re in a relationship building a future with another person based on a sense of trust, commitment, friendship, and love. This is what we’re all striving for when we hit the dating scene. Sure, it’s fun to be single and experience whatever you want with whomever you want whenever you want. At the end of the day, though, coming home to someone you love is far superior to scrolling through your phone looking for someone to “talk” to. If you can make it here—and that’s a big maybe in today’s society—don’t think you’re out of the woods. Relationships are hard and messy and wonderful all at the same time. Love takes work and patience. This type of relationship is going to be a give and take situation for the rest of your lives should you end up making that commitment to one another. This type of relationship is not to be taken lightly, so while you may think you want to be here early on, take it slow. Work your way up to being best friends then fall madly, deeply, and contently in love.

It’s rough out there, but don’t give up on love. Even if it takes a few heartbreaks to find your person, it’s worth it in the end (at least I hope so. I'm right there with you guys trying to date in 2016 instead of punching myself in the face.) Godspeed, everyone.