Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, literally. Don't ever assume you know someone's story before they've told you themselves.
People who suffer from eating disorders can't simply "eat" or "get over it." If that were the case, it wouldn't be called a "disorder" now would it?
For any of you who are dating one of these brave and strong girls, here are a few things you should know. My boyfriend can vouch for any of these.
Just because she's at a healthy weight, doesn't mean she's "cured."
An eating disorder is more mental than it is physical; the outside tells you nothing about the battle within.
It isn't that she doesn't believe you when you tell her she looks great.
She may trust that this is your honest opinion,but it doesn't change how she sees herself. When she looks in the mirror, rotates, and catches a glimpse of every angle, she holds back her tears because what she see's isn't what you see.
She just wants you to listen and try your best to understand.
If she decides to open up to you and talk about her struggle, it's not just another conversation. Recognize the progress that talking about it takes.
It isn't all about being “skinny.”
Eating disorders are disguised in a relentless desire to be thin. It may seem like her tight grasp on this disorder is all about how she looks, but it's so much more.
It can be triggered by a PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) reaction, an unconscious attempt to come to terms with unresolved conflicts or painful childhood experiences, stress, and so many other things, not including the "desire to be thin."
Whatever the trigger may be, it causes food to be the enemy.
She can't "just eat."
I stumbled upon this quote, and it is one of the most accurate comparisons I've ever read:
“Picture this: You’re an alcoholic in recovery and you’re learning to cope with your disease, but you’re forced to drink a beer at 8 A.M., another one at noon, and a final one for the day around 6 P.M. And hey, just for fun let’s throw in a shot of vodka around 3 P.M. and maybe one more around 9 P.M. if you’re feeling risky. Repeat this every day of your life, but remember not to lose control!” - Unbroken Pieces.
A person suffering from any eating disorder does not understand what "healthy" eating looks like.
You can try to push her outside of her comfort zone, but if she’s not ready, let her be.
It's always easier when you randomly ask her, "Do you want to go get ice cream?" because she's not going to do so on her own.
Also, be careful with your words. Try not to say, "I'm shocked that you just ate that!" or "I can't believe you ate all that!" She's probably just as surprised as you are, if not more. Announcing it will only scare her.
She is not the disorder. It does not define her.
She has the disorder. The disorder does not have her. When diagnosed with an eating disorder, no one ever says, "Hey [insert disorder here], you have an [insert name here]. They say, "Hey [insert name here], you have..." She has been given ownership, not the other way around.
She is not the disorder. She is a soul, a person, a fighter, and an overcomer.
She’s stronger than you know.
She doesn't just choose recovery once; she chooses recovery each and every day. Despite the thoughts in her mind, the feelings of disgust, and the heartache of pain, she's continually choosing to fight this battle.
The word “grateful” will never suffice.
She knows that this disorder affects more than just herself. She knows that it affects your life as well, and "grateful" doesn't even begin to explain how thankful and blessed she is that you stuck by her side.
She appreciates every time you've ever let her pour her heart out to you, and every time you've held her hand as she has conquered her fears.
