A couple of days ago, my best friend Taylor told me that her goal for 2016 was to get me dating. I laughed, trying to make a joke about what she said, however, inside I was pissing my pants. She then went on to ask me why I didn’t date. Grudgingly, I told her I feared rejection and being too funny. I realized for single people who don’t date much that finding a date and engaging that date in good conversation is hard. In fact it’s hard for single people to date, actually it sucks.
1. The Selection Process
Ironically, single people have the biggest pool of people vying for their attention however we don’t notice it. And unfortunately, those we do notice are the complete opposite of the people we want to notice and who notices us. Do we carry a hanging sign around our necks that invites all aspiring rappers, athletes, high school drop-outs, and drug dealers? How about those people who only want to have a session of Netflix and Chill? Not to mention, no one wants a real relationship anymore. I'm talking booty calls and side chicks are the go to. In fact, apps like Tinder advertise one night stands.
According to the Census Bureau, there are more than 100 million unmarried American adults — which is more than 45 percent of all adults in the U.S —however 5 percent are attached and living with a partner. But still the selection of unattached people is large enough not to care about those 5 percent.
2. The First Date
If you’re even lucky to reach the first date, in public, you have to make awkward conversation with a person you don’t even know. God forbid, that you find out you have nothing in common and you have to sit the whole date pretending that you’re interested in this guy. One time, I let a date go as far as dinner, and he drunk more than he talked. I’m talking about beer-after-beer-after-beer. It was hard to talk over his beer goggles. Like who on earth enjoys the first date? You have to have a mental conversation with yourself on how cheap and clean to order because there is a huge chance that the guy is a douche and will make you pay for your meal or god forbid you get meat in your teeth. Towards the end of the date, you’re hungry because you ordered a salad and sitting with a guy that you don’t like but because you’re nice you have to carry him home because you don’t want him to drink and drive.
eharmony, reports that it's best to let a man lead during the first date, so always assume that he will pick up the tab. In fact, men themselves tend to struggle with first date rules so be patient with them their nerves might be worse than you think.
3. Location
Location plays a big role in the dating scene. For instance, I currently live in Atlanta and we all know finding a single heterosexual man is like finding a needle in a haystack. One time my best friend had a crush on this guy and she did the whole creepy creeper thing where she followed him on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat and discovered he didn’t like “bones in his fish”, meaning he didn’t like girls. In fact, nowhere is safe, you can meet a man at a grocery store and he could be married with 2.5 kids.
4. Face-to-Face
Also, that whole face-to-face thing has gotten old. People don’t even know how to make conversation with a stranger because their used to being behind their phones. In fact, social media is the new dating tool. However, we all agree that what we see on the ‘gram is totally different from what we see in person. For instance, some girls use so many filters they could pass for an attractive woman but in person scare the hell out of some guys. Guys aren’t safe either; they are famous for stunting on the ‘gram with stacks of money, expensive clothes, and cars but in person look busted. Social media disguises the truth; in fact, just call it the offshore clothing site that advertises clothes that don’t look nothing like the catalog. Then you get the clothes and you can’t get a refund and your stuck with a dress that was supposed to be blue instead of green and a size 10 instead of a size 4.
5. The Waiting Game
Finally, there’s the headache with trying to figure out who makes the first moves. Like relationships are like a game of chess. You spend a few days not contacting the person because for insane reason you think that if you make them wait they might want you more. Then you get upset because the person doesn’t contact you at all, when in actuality you told then you would call them. UHH, a huge cat and mouse game when no one is the winner because you both don’t know how to communicate. The appropriate time to call after meeting a man or woman is hotly debated among dating experts. Typically, the ideal time to wait to call is two to four days, though no longer than four to five days. Calling too soon can appear desperate (Santagati).
In reality, the biggest reasons why we don’t do well with dating and why we’re still single is because we let our heads get in the way with what’s best for us. We lose out on dating opportunities because we think a guy/girl is too good/bad for us, when we haven’t taken time to get to know the person. In fact, many people choose to not date some people because those people come off as standoffish when ironically their probably the most approachable person out there. Basically I am saying dating sucks. It’s hard determining whose right for you and we don't have a lot of opportunities to do so.
