It’s easy to think that finding love in college will be easy and magical. You imagine a slew of idyllic scenarios bringing you and your soulmate together. Such as leaving the library and “accidentally” bumping into the cute guy from Spirit Empowered, or making romantic eye contact with your crush in the prayer gardens. Pretty soon you’re on your first date and imagining a life with this person. You visit him during open dorms, he asks you on a roommate date and before you know it, there’s a ring by spring and a happily ever after.
While this scenario is very real for many couples, it doesn’t leave much room for the few that realize finding love isn’t such a fairytale after all. At a Christian College, pre-conceived judgments and gossip, are rated at a whole different level. People love to point out the mistakes of others, especially when it comes to relationships and faith. Not only is outward self on the chopping block for others to ridicule, but so is their relationship with God. At a small school, gossip of this nature spreads faster than holy fire and there’s little to be done about it.
Don’t get me wrong, Christian schools are wonderful places to educate oneself. Students have access to professors who teach them intellectually and spiritually. They are surrounded by fellow peers who are going through the same struggles and people lean on one another. However, Christian schools are also notorious for breeding judgmental, marriage-crazy young adults.
People are hypersensitive to any interaction they have with the opposite sex. If a guy opens a door for a girl, it means he loves you. If you asked a guy to roommate date, you might as well have just proposed. Walking to class, it’s normal to look at the group of young men and think to yourself, “I wonder if one of them is my husband”. Young men and women have been told for decades that they'll meet their spouse in college. Ladies, go get your MRS degree! This expectation, mixed with the notion that happiness and fulfillment comes from marriage, which makes “God told me you’re the one”, very common on a first date.
Pressure is also a factor. The school I attend has a female to male ratio of 70 to 30. In short, there’s not enough men to go around, which leads to fierce competition between the ladies. It’s not uncommon for a guy to go on four roommate dates and for a girl to sit alone in her dorm room eating stolen Saga cookies. The guys are acutely aware of the supply and demand issue on campus and use it to their advantage. They partake in what I call “serial flirting”, in which they get to know multiple girls at the same time, until they find one who meets their criteria. Here’s the kicker though, the girls are doing it too. The problems lies within the fact that everyone is out there looking for their better half, deciding who is worthy of them and who isn’t, when in reality they should be focusing on their own relationship with God, and how spiritually mature they are.
We all know that God has this perfect person for us, but in a way it handicaps us in real life. We keep waiting for someone better, someone that meets our high standards, when in reality, you may not meet your spouse for another three years. You end up wasting your time, energy and emotions chasing after people who are the right “type” of Christian, rather than working on becoming the “right” type of Christian you seek after. Everyone is too busy trying to out-worship their competition that they loose site of why they are worshipping in the first place.
College is for more than finding love, it’s about finding who you are as a person. Yes, some people can do both, kudos to them, but for the rest of us who are playing “who’s more holy”, you’re just kidding yourself.
From personal experience, I can say that I wished I knew what I know now when I was a freshman. Fall in love with Jesus, I promise it will be the best decision you’ll ever make.
