Dating apps are super popular, but wow can they be disappointing. Mostly, I suppose, if you happen to be interested in men.
The past week or so, I've used Bumble to do a sort of scavenger hunt for the best dating app clichés, and boy has it been rewarding. Below are just a few of the dating app faux pas and overused profile boosters I've noticed so far.
1. The Michael Scott
It's not rare for a man's bio to literally just be a Michael Scott quote. Most frequently, one of these:
1. "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
2. "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.' -Wayne Gretsky" - Michael Scott
Insert any other Michael Scott quote, though, honestly. We get it. You, like most other people, enjoy "The Office."
2. The Height Bio
"6'1." I mean, it's kind of sad. Is that his only character trait? That he's tall? Tell me something that isn't optically obvious.
3. The Vine Guy
"I quote too much from Vine." Okay, we all love and miss Vine. But everyone can quote Vines. Impress me. Your profile is like your dating resume—you gotta step up your game.
4. The One-Pic Wonder
GiphyOh, silly us, hoping for actual information about this man. His whole profile is just his name, his age, and a photo. Thank goodness I can deduce our compatibility just from looking at one vague, badly-angled selfie.
5. The Friend
We've all seen it. The guy who says, "Just here for friends." This is? A dating app? Buddy?? And anyway, Bumble offers both Bumble Date and Bumble BFF. If that's what you want, you can literally just...use the friend one.
6. The Dog Trick
The classic, "Yes, you can pet my dog." Do I want to pet his dog? Yes. But if a dog is all he has to offer, I'm not sure it's enough. Stop depending on your innocent doggo to help you score a date.
7. The Mugshot
I mean you don't have to hire a professional photographer for the pictures on your dating profile, but why does it look like your only option was to download your inmate photos from the local police department's website? This ain't it, chief.
8. The Jim Halpert
We just keep coming back to "The Office," don't we? Every man on a dating app fancies himself your average, everyday Jim Halpert.
This is made evident through his bio, which inevitably says, "Just a Jim looking for my Pam," or, much to my amusement, "Just a Jim Halpert looking for my Dwight Schrute."
I'll admit the second one is funny (albeit overused), but please. Only John Krasinski can claim to be Jim. Next.
9. The Group
Oh, the dreaded profile that is exclusively group photos. This isn't a game of "Where's Waldo," pal. Who are you?
10. The Anti-Bio
You've probably seen the guy who makes his bio, "I suck at bios." I don't know anything about you, then. If you can't do any better than that, it's a no from me.
So anyway, I guess that's why men's dating profiles all start to blend together after a while. They're really out here saying things like, "I just want a girl who's unique," while their profiles are endless repetitions.
I didn't choose to like men, but it's a fate I've been forced to accept. Best of luck in your own journeys to find love, single guys, gals, and non-binary pals.
