Anxiety is a tricky, mean thing that may control a large aspect of your significant other’s life. All anxiety is different and may affect people differently. Anxiety is like a snowflake; no diagnosis or how it affects the person is the exact same as someone else. However, this is your “person”. This is the person that you have decided to spend your time with, to invest memories and may already love deeply. With having a relationship with this person, you are also gaining a relationship with their anxiety, which is something that may have kept them from having a relationship in the part, or this may be your introduction to how anxiety can affect a person’s life. There are several things that you should know before investing in a relationship with someone who has anxiety, so it can be a positive and healthy relationship for both people involved.
Anxiety is not something they can just shut off. Believe us, if we could just flip a switch to turn off all the worries going through our heads, we would. There may be things that can occur that can trigger your partner’s anxiety such as changes in routines and plans, social situations, stress at work or school, and relationship conflicts. There will be situations that don’t faze you the slightest, but can turn your partner into an anxious mess. This is where your relationship with them can be so helpful.
Just because we pull away, we don’t actually want you to leave. If your partner seems more distant and aloof, there is a very good chance that they are currently fighting a dark battle within and could possibly use your help. Being able to pull them aside by themselves and sincerely talking and listening to them can change the day around entirely.
Comfort and reassurance are the tools to success. We don’t like feeling like a burden, and we constantly dwell on the chances of you thinking we are selfish for wanting your attention and reassurance. Although. there can never be enough compliments, sincere confessions, or positive vibes that you can share with your partner. They need to know that even if they are distant because of a situation that made them anxious, or they make you both late to date night, because they couldn't pull themselves out of a funk, that you aren’t going to leave. Rejection is often something people with anxiety fear the most. We know that the anxiety can make us seem needy and burdensome; don’t let them push you away. Show your partner love and compassion.
Try to be as empathetic and sympathetic as possible. Some of the things that may go through your significant other’s mind may seem silly to you. Little do you realize, your partner knows that these thoughts may seem silly and ridiculous. Once again, if we could turn off the obnoxious worries, we would. However, we can’t. Having the one person that is suppose to be there as a source of security and comfort lash out and say to “get over it, “that’s silly”, or “it's not a big deal”, can make us feel even worse. We know that our worries may not make sense to you, but our emotions are valid and we don’t need anything else telling us that we are crazy or ridiculous.
Patience is so important. It may take a little longer to get out of the house one day, because your partner had an anxiety attack ten minutes before you were suppose to leave. You may have to spend 30 minutes reminding your significant other that you love them and that you aren’t going to leave. Your partner could go from being all smiles and a laughing ball of jokes to quiet and somber in the span of minutes. Be patient and understanding. You taking the time to show that you care and take time away from other things can help calm your partner down and reassure them that things are okay.
It is normal to get frustrated. Your partner battles with the anxiety and probably has for quite sometime. They know that it is affecting you as well, and are very intune to the emotions of people around them. We know that things can get frustrating and hard to deal with. It isn’t fun to deal with significant other’s third anxiety attack in one day or have your partner be almost silent on a night out with friends. Your feelings of frustration are completely valid and never fear that you are a bad girlfriend or boyfriend for getting overwhelmed and riled up. However, don’t get mad. Your partner knows that dealing with this is hard and would never wish to inflict an inconvenient situation or tiresome events towards you. They probably love you more than anything and wish with all their heart that you didn’t have to deal with their anxiety. They are trying to handle it the best way that they can. They are trying to keep it from bothering your life and getting in the way of you enjoying your plans. They don’t wish to make your life harder. Remember that when you start getting angry at them because they decided to stay in and let you go out with friends by yourself, or took a nap instead of watching a movie with you. They are trying to keep you from having to focus on them instead of your prior engagements or make it seem like they are taking too much of your attention. It can be easy to get flustered with the obstacles that come along with dating someone with anxiety, but never get mad at how to affects your partner, because it is out of their control.
` Your partner is more than just their anxiety and a clean slate is a lovely thing. They could have a really rough day, where everything went wrong, anxiety attacks were dealt with, and emotions were a rollercoaster. Don’t hold that against them. Bouts of anxiety can last seconds, minutes, hours, days, or even longer. However, if your significant other has dealt with the situation and moved on from their anxiety, don’t bring it back up. Bringing attention to how frustrating it was, or how the inconvenient timing was terrible to deal with, or how you already told them you loved them 12 times that day, won’t help at all. This may just cause anxiety once again. Let them move on. Focus on something happy. Go spend time together, go get a nice meal, watch a film, go for a walk, take a shower, have sex. Whatever you can do to show our partner that you see them as the person that you love, not as their anxiety, is perfect.
Anxiety in a relationship can be hard to deal with. However, the love and compassion that can be shared between you and your significant other, even with their anxiety in the picture, can be the biggest blessing in the world.
