6 Tips to Dating an Emotional Abuse Survivor
Start writing a post

6 Tips to Dating an Emotional Abuse Survivor

We're not easy to love, but we are worth it.

6 Tips to Dating an Emotional Abuse Survivor

Dating someone after they have been in an abusive relationship of any kind can be challenging. An abusive relationship is not just physical abuse, but also and emotional. When someone leaves an abusive relationship, they are usually drained completely. They do not trust people like they once did, they do not act like they once did, and they do not love like they once did. It is very hard to leave your abuser, but it is very rewarding once you do. If you are someone who is dating someone who has been a victim of domestic violence, be aware that it will be hard on you. Here are a few things to help you help them.

1. Be patient.

One of the main things that someone who has been in an abusive relationship suffers from is trusting. Whether it be trusting in general, trusting potential relationships or whatever, it is hard for us to trust again. We put all of our faith and trust into someone that promised that they would never treat us how they did, and they let us down. Personally, I struggle with this a lot, and it has cost me some friends and some potential people that I could have been in a relationship with. Some people say that since the new person has never done anything to cause them not to trust them, then they should be able to trust them, and that is not always the case. It is not easy for us to trust people again. It is actually extremely hard, so be patient with them and let them learn to trust you again, even though it will be hard on you, too.

2. Be there for them.

A majority of domestic violence survivors suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. The PTSD can happen immediately after and last for forever. Someone who is suffering from PTSD can have symptoms that include anxiety, depression, agitation, outbursts of anger, insomnia, and loss of interest in other people or things that they once loved. PTSD symptoms can include other things, too, but for me personally, those are the main ones that I suffer from. When someone is going through this, they can be depressed and withdrawn from the world, they can have panic attacks, and they can also have suicidal thoughts. THIS DOES NOT MAKE THAT PERSON CRAZY!!! This can cost us our friends and families, and it is not something that we choose to go through, so please be there for us if we are having a panic attack or are going through a depressive state, or whatever the symptoms that they are experiencing may be.

3. Show them that you care.

When someone has left an abuser, they usually feel like they are alone and that no one cares for them. This is not being dramatic, but simply because their abuser has belittled them so much that they really do feel like they are worthless and that no one cares for them. One thing that abusers like to do is say things like "No one else will love you like I love you" or "You won't get anyone else like me" or something along those lines. After hearing that so many times you start to believe it. When we get in a new relationship, it will probably seem like we are not all there, which is because we are not. Show us you care and that you really want what is best for us, because that is not something that we are used to.

4. Don't ask questions about our past. 

This is a big no no. DO NOT ask someone questions about their abuser or what happened because that will probably cause us to have anxiety or make us feel depressed because all of those feelings from that relationship will start to flood our memory. When we are ready to talk about what happened then you will know.

5. If we bring up the past just listen. 

Don't talk. Don't judge. Don't ask questions. Just listen. Depending on the person, it may be okay to ask questions, but be sure that it is okay with them first.

6. Love them with everything you've got.

Some days we may feel great, while others we may not want to get out of bed. This is normal, and there is probably nothing that you can do to make things better. While the great days are GREAT, the bad days can be BAD. Do not get mad and frustrated with them, especially if they are not wanting to talk or tell you how they are feeling. We are not used to having someone who cares about us and actually cares how we feel. If that person is like me, then they will not be used to someone understanding their feelings, since I was always told that I was the problem and that I was just crazy. Again, all you can really do is be there for them. Be there for them when they are ready to talk, but do not push them to talk unless they are ready. Sometimes we just like to keep these feelings and thoughts to ourselves because it is not easy to go through, and we do not want many people, if anyone, to know that we are a survivor.

Believe me when I say I know that we are hard to love and it is even harder to stay with us. It is not easy for us either. We don't want to feel like a burden to you with our problems and our past, and we do not want you to think that we still have feelings for our abuser because we still experience these horrible feelings and memories that come along with dating someone who is abusive. Just please bare with us and show us that you love us and care for us, because once we see that you really do care then we will love you hard.

From Your Site Articles
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

I love listening to Christmas music just as much as the next person, but when I turn on my local holiday radio station each year, it just feels repetitive. No hate to musicians like Burl Ives or Nat King Cole, but Christmas music needs an update. Personally, I'm tired of the same "Let It Snow" and "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". So plug in your Christmas tree, make some hot cocoa, and listen to these amazing (and updated) holiday songs.

Keep Reading... Show less

With the holidays right around the corner, there are many things to look forward to. Time with family, friends, great food, overall seasonal joy... And now the fragrances from Jennifer Lopez.

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Christmas Songs For Your Festive Playlist

I have no shame in starting to feel festive super early.


All of these songs are definitely popular. However, I have the strong opinion that having the songs on your Christmas playlist be popular is extremely important. Having everyone sing to the songs is most of the fun; it adds to the festivity of whatever you're doing.

Personally, I love to bake cookies and hum along as I cannot sing and no one should ever hear me. Whatever you do for the holidays, enjoy your festive time and the season!

Keep Reading... Show less

10​​ Songs That Made It Onto My November Playlist

Another month of finding new music during unusual times


A new month means new music! Like each month, I've collected my top 10 new songs or discoveries into a playlist. This November didn't have too many new releases, however, I did find a few and a couple of new discoveries.

Keep Reading... Show less

7 Christmas Ideas For Couples That You Can Still Do In The Middle Of A Global Pandemic

The holidays are such a fun time to celebrate with loved ones; here are a few activities to consider being a part of during this Christmas season.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Whether it is a night in at home baking sweet Christmas themed goodies for Santa, or a night out exploring lit up neighborhoods, the holiday season should always be taken advantage of for cute activities!

Keep Reading... Show less

Every Track On Ariana Grande's 'Positions' Album Ranked

Ariana Grande has achieved major success with her new album and we're ranking every track.


Ariana Grande surprised fans in October, tweeting that her new album was being released. What followed was yet another number one peak on the Billboard 200 albums chart. The album's title track and lead single, "Positions," also hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

With "Positions," Grande took a much more light-hearted approach than the confessional nature of its predecessor, "Thank U, Next." It was a welcome and refreshing change of pace. Now that the album has been out for a solid month, it's the perfect time to see how the songs rank.

Keep Reading... Show less

In the four Christmas' that I have spent with my boyfriend, I have realized one thing: boys are hard to shop for. Each year I have to rack my brain for gift ideas because when I ask my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas, he always says something along the lines of "nothing," which as a girl is hard to fathom since I literally give him a list each year before Black Friday.

After hours each year scouring the internet for the perfect Christmas gifts to get my boyfriend, I have come up with a pretty long and inclusive list. To help those girlfriends going through the same thing, I decided to put together some of the best gifts I have come across.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Ways You Can Safely Enjoy The Holidays During The Pandemic

Even with a pandemic, there are still ways to celebrate.


It's almost December, which means that it's almost time for the biggest holiday season to arrive! However, it doesn't mean that COVID-19 has decided to disappear. According to the CDC, 147,840 new cases of COVID have been recorded in the last seven days.

States such as Kentucky have closed all of their restaurants, schools, and businesses until December. Some governors have started to advise caution when celebrating the holidays, too. You may be thinking, 'is there any way to really enjoy Christmas during the pandemic?' In fact, there are ways to still celebrate the holiday safely. Here are 10 ways that you can still enjoy the holiday season without canceling any of your plans.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments