Dating is, like, so totally hard these days. I’m totally buggin’ about the last guy I dated and want to make sure none of you ever have to endure such misery. Cher from "Clueless," you know, the girl who everyone is totally jealous of, is, like, my relationship guru and totally helped me land a new hottie. Here are the most important things she told me:

1. "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

Most of you probably haven't even seen any Pauly Shore movies other than "Goofy Movie," if that. I think this proves Cher's point pretty well. Sorry, Goofy.

2. "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet."

This may be the best piece of advice you will ever receive. If you aren't in love with a pair of shoes, you shouldn't buy them. If you aren't in love with your partner, pretend they are a pair of shoes and definitely don't buy them.

3. "Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good."

Straws, lollipops. Anything, really.

4. "Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex."

If you are ever wondering what a boy is thinking, chances are they are thinking of sex. It's pretty much science. So if you make them think of sex while thinking about you then you're on the right track.

5. "Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday."

This will help you from stressing out. You should only start stressing if he says Friday night that he will call the next day, and hasn't by Thursday. I realize that Thursday is not the day after Friday, but imagine how good someone can be at math if sex is the only thing on their mind.

6. "Whenever a boy comes, you should always have something baking."

When boys aren't thinking about sex, they're thinking about food. Just like sex, thinking about food makes boys happy. It's nice to make the boy happy when you invite him over.

7. "He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?"

If all of his qualities are better than yours, even his style (this is so common by the way for him to be better than you in every single way), then this is not the guy for you. You can't possibly make him happy if you can't even get your wardrobe together, goodness.

8. "Ugh, as if!"

This is in the case of him not being good enough for you. It is important to note that you will most likely use this tip more often than the rest, and that is perfectly fine.