It's usually pretty easy to spot signs of physical abuse. A small bruise here, a mark you claim was done because of your own clumsiness there, and even a broken bone are noticeable red flags for anyone outside of the relationship to begin asking questions.
But emotional abuse is different, it's hidden and it messes with the person's head sometimes in the worst ways imaginable.
The red flags often go unnoticed, especially for the person on the receiving end of the abuse. Psychology Today defines emotional abuse as "an attempt to control, in just the same way that physical abuse is an attempt to control another person. The only difference is that the emotional abuser does not use physical hitting, kicking, pinching, grabbing, pushing, or other physical forms of harm."
If you're getting ready to date or are currently dating a girl who has experienced emotional abuse in the past, here are a few things you need to know:
1. She won't trust herself and she might push you away.
Unfortunately, because someone has wronged her in one of the worse ways, she won't trust herself and in extension sometimes you. When she is trying to push you away is when you pull her in stronger.
2. She might question herself.
Along with that she might even question you. Be patient and understand that it isn't you. She just doesn't trust anyone in her past who has taught her all the wrong things about love and relationships.
3. She's going to blame things that go wrong on herself.
She is used to being the one blamed for anything that goes wrong in the relationship, even if it wasn't her fault.
4. She apologizes for every little thing she thinks she has done wrong.
In the past, that's just how things were. It's easier that way but also know when to sit her down and admit she wasn't wrong. Know when you are the one that needs to be saying sorry.
5. She might be more reserved and quiet.
In the past, this is how she simply survived. She almost was never allowed to have an opinion and if she did she was met with a harsh shutdown.
6. She may be hesitant to tell you if something is bothering her.
She was afraid that she would be yelled at or worse if she spoke up. Ultimately, if it seems like something is up just ask her. She'll probably be more than willing to tell you.
7. Some days are going to be harder to love her than others.
And on those days, make sure to love her extra hard.
8. She's going to expect constant fights that end with you storming away and her crying.
It's what happened any time she and her previous partner(s) fought.
9. Communication will be hard for her.
Especially when it comes to asking you for what she wants in the relationship.
The truth is when you've experienced an emotionally abusive relationship, you learn to be silent and just a little quieter as if silence will avoid fights (and it often does).
She's used to relationships that aren't about her but rather pleasing someone else and always putting them first.
10. She'll overcompensate.
She'll try to do things at the next level. To put it simply, she'll try too hard to make you happy
11. She might question your kind gestures and compliments.
She may think that sweet gestures you do for her always come with conditions because her ex used those gestures to manipulate her for their own benefit.
12. She never feels like she is enough. And she'll put herself down.
She was treated like she wasn't enough for so long.
People who have come from places of emotional abuse are constantly striving to be good enough for one person who is never satisfied. To the average person, it's amazing what they do but they will never give themselves credit where credit is due.
13. She's stronger than you'll ever know.
She's fought and won many battles to get to where she is now.
14. Dating her is not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.
There isn't a shortcut to loving her, and I wish I could tell you there was. All she wants is for one guy to treat her like she is the only thing that matters. All she wants is for one guy to put her above his cellphone or the ballgame on TV. All she wants is for one guy to mean it when he tells her he loves her.
All she wants is to be wanted, loved, cherished, and adored.
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