We are a generation of serial daters.
Even before the dating apps like Bumble and Tinder came along and simplified it for us, we have always been a generation that is obsessed with dating. I can remember being in middle school and already my friends and I (both male and female) were compulsively agonizing over who liked who. Keep in mind that at this point "dating" consisted of who you sat beside at the lunch table. We weren't even allowed to date yet, and already our lives revolved around the subject. And we grew older, it only became worse.
But ask yourself this, would we be this way if we had dated ourselves first? We should have been required to take the time to learn about ourselves first.
Think about it like a prerequisite class. In college, there are certain beginner-level classes that you are required to take before you move into the upper-level classes with a harder curriculum. This way, you are given a strong foundation of learning that you can build upon throughout the rest of your years.
This is exactly how dating should be.
You should be required to learn about yourself, who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, and given the chance to learn what things you want in a partner before you even begin to add a second person into the equation.
You should be required to learn who you are, as an independent person. We as human beings aren't brought into the world already knowing the answers, there is no study guide to life with an answer key attached. It takes time to find out your passions and it takes time to find your independence. But until you do this, you're unequipped to be in a committed relationship.
How can you be intimate with someone else if you don't know yourself intimately?
No, I'm not talking about sexually. Sex and intimacy are two different things. Sex can be something that is simply a physical act, but intimacy is much deeper than that. It is an emotional thing, it's knowing someone so well that you are able to be completely free when you are in the presence of that person. It is being completely honest, open, and vulnerable with them. So, how can you be open and honest with someone else when you haven't been open and honest with yourself.
So, take yourself to dinner.
And I'm not talking about sitting alone at the bar at Chili's and ordering an appetizer. I mean get dressed up. Not because you might run into someone while you're there, but because you want to feel good in your own skin. Then, sit at a table alone, and order a meal while you take the time to focus on yourself and what makes you wonderfully unique.
Take a trip alone, so that you can find yourself.
Go on a walk alone, so that you can find the beauty in the world around you.
Look at yourself in the mirror, so that you can find the beauty in yourself without relying on the validations of other people's opinions.
Date yourself before you ever consider dating someone else.
