Congratulations, you made it! You’re away at college and you're sitting in the cafeteria alone because you don’t know anyone. That’s where it all starts. You’re scared to eat because it’s all so unfamiliar to you, so, instead, you walk back to your room. Quickly sequestering yourself to your side of the room to avoid contact with your randomly assigned roommate,you know that this next year is going to be a blast. There’s not much to do yet, so you decide to make the healthy choice of going to the gym. Then you remember the conversation that you had with the doctor during your last physical. Yeah, it's a good thing that you skipped dinner.
Start it out with 1000 calories per day and mandatory 30 minutes of cardio. Not 29 and not 23 because there’s a cute boy and you’re embarrassed to have him watch you work out. So, it's 30 minutes. You can't eat carbs, do you want to get fat? You very well know that you can’t afford to put on any more weight. You don't eat fast food, drink soda, or consume basically anything with any sugar. If you're hungry, you'd better drink some more water. You're tired, angry, and b*tchy, but you lost five pounds! Rinse, recycle, and repeat.
In a college campus survey, 91 percent of the women admitted to controlling their weight through dieting. What the survey didn’t ask, though, was just what constituted dieting. While some diets can be healthy and good for you if addressed properly, bad dieting habits or simply not eating do not fall under that category. If it was not blatantly obvious, the ways that I chose to manage my weight are not healthy ways or logical ways to avoid the freshman 15. They are ways that can lead a person down the path to developing an eating disorder. Millions of people in America suffer from eating disorders every day and, unfortunately, I just so happened to join that statistic during my freshman year of college. With the right help, through doctors and friends who legitimately care, things can get better. However, I had to learn the hard way first.
"I'm successfully down 15 pounds! I am doing so great, but isn't there more that I could be doing? I guess a little more cardio wouldn’t hurt."
However, as soon as the scale stopped showing me that I weighed less, I panicked. Desperate times called for desperate measures and a dark spiral into a world that I wish that I had never entered. At least once a day I would catch myself staring at my broken reflection, kneeling over a toilet, and regurgitating whatever contents my stomach held. It was not a pretty sight. After enduring more than three months of living hell, I knew that I could not go on like this anymore. My body hated me for what I was doing to it, my friends had slowly distanced themselves from me, feeling uncomfortable for knowing what I was doing, and, even worse, I hated myself for my actions.
Did you know that research shows that nearly 90 percent of people with eating disorders never receive treatment? This was a statistic that I was determined to not be a part of any longer. I made a doctor appointment and ended finding out a lot about myself. Not only do I suffer from bulimia (surprise, surprise), but I have a pretty crippling issue with anxiety as well. I decided it was time to get back in control of my life. After sessions of eating disorder treatment with a doctor and multiple appointments with the school dietitian, I stopped purging, forceful exercising, and fad dieting. Although it took some time, and is still taking time, things are better. After all, things do get better.
Was it hard to admit that I had a problem? Of course it was! It damaged my rather huge ego pretty severely, but it ultimately made me realize I am not invincible. Asking for help was one of the hardest things that I have ever done, but, truthfully, it was also one of the greatest decisions that I have ever made. Not only did it set me free from the shackles that I placed myself into, but I gained my entire life back and no words can express to you how much I missed living. There was no more constant fear of gaining weight because I ate a cookie or spent two less minutes on the treadmill. I have never felt so alive. I would like to thank the many doctors, dietitians, and friends who helped me on my journey. Without them, it would not have been possible. Finally, I’d like to say that if you or anyone who you know is struggling with an eating disorder, there is hope and you can make it out. You just have to be willing to try. It might be scary and you might feel embarrassed or ashamed, but it’s worth it. I promise that. Believe me, a little fear is nothing when compared to a shortened lifespan due to health complications.
