For as far back as I can remember, I walked down the halls of the studios peeking into each room to see what each dancer was doing. I listened to all the classical music playing in the background, watched 'the big girls' (well, at least until I became one) leap across the floor, and observed the teachers give corrections to their class. After a long 16 years of growing up in the studios, Gainesville Ballet Company became my home.
Being a dancer is the weirdest thing. You have to move in ways your body shouldn't move. You have to stay late for rehearsals (and when I mean late, I mean late), when all your friends are probably hanging out. You have to stand on your toes (like who does that?) You are around the same 20-ish people for a good 20+ hours a week. You basically see them more than your family. You get this unreal feeling of being lost in time while you're dancing. You hate it, but you also fall in love with it.
To me, dance defined me. I always got strange looks when someone asked if I played any sports, because my answer was always, 'Yeah, I do ballet.' People don't realize the challenges that come along with it. It takes up so much time, that sometimes you forget there's life outside of dance. Sometimes, we let it define us too much though. We look at each other and judge who's better than who, who's skinnier than who, who will be the next lead, etc. We let it get to our heads, and that's where we mess up. In dance, it's all about you. If you're working harder everyday and pushing yourself to be better for you, that's what it's about. We dance, because we love it.
At GBC, I found 3 things: family, passion, discipline.
Families stick together when things get hard. They love each other. They lean on each other and they share memories. Each year, new company members came in, and old members left. The family aspect of GBC was always there. It blows my mind how one day, you're telling your mom about how much you look up to and love the 'big girls,' and you blink, and now you are one. I think that's something that holds us dancers accountable. Even when you're hating dance and just want to go home, you have little kids who are watching you, who you want to fall in love and keep with it just like you did. I saw my dance friends almost everyday. I saw them more than I saw my actual siblings; They were/are my family. You may not always like each other, but just like real family, you still love one another.
Passion is what I gained. I found something in me that I never knew existed. I see dance as one of those things that helped me figure out who I am as as person. Having a passion is so important, because it teaches you to stand strong with something even when times get hard. You're doing it for you,not for anyone else. With dance being a passion, it gives you something to look forward to. It gives you something to love. It gives you an escape from the real world.
Discipline is instilled in you the minute you begin ballet. You can't skip a class. You can't talk. You have to take criticism. You have to follow rules and do things with precision. It is a very strict art form, but what comes with it is amazing. Poise and grace come along with discipline. Discipline provides you with the drive and focus that will push you to become the best you you can be.
As it's almost been a full year of me leaving GBC, I have feelings of sadness, feelings of envy, and feelings of nostalgia run through my mind. Although I'm not there physically, just like every other ex-GBC dancer, I'll always call it home and I'll carry a piece of the company in my heart forever. Thank you GBC for everything you've ever been to me.
