Two years have gone by without my Dad in my life — two long years, and they flew by so fast.
The first 15 days of September are absolute hell for me and my family. But the reality is that the feelings associated with my father's death happen every single day of my life, not just during the month of September.
My Dad was a big-hearted, baseball-loving, deer-hunting kind of guy. He was the ultimate example of a perfect Dad. He welcomed anybody into his life without a thought. My Dad put his whole life into his family and friends. His actions were tremendously inspirational, not just to me, but to all the people around him.
I sometimes wonder how I came this far since he died. I didn't even think that I could make it through the day that he left. But here I am, still standing and wanting him back more than ever.
I sometimes feel as though nobody can understand the concept of a little girl losing her daddy. Two years have gone by, and while the wound has healed, there are still bruises and scars that will be here forever.
I never expected this to happen — not to you, and not so soon. It blows my mind how fast two years have come and gone. It seems like just yesterday we received the call to come to say goodbye, but it feels like forever since I last saw you.
It has been two years since I last saw you, two years since I said my final words to you, two years since I got to give you my last hug and two years since I told you that I loved you. Two years ago, I gained my guardian angel. Two years ago, I no longer had a Dad. Two years ago, I lost one of the biggest influences in my life.
I'll never understand how people can only have emotions on September 15 because, for me, those feelings happen every day of the year. People get super sad and emotional on specific September days, but personally, I get emotional whenever I think of you and our time together. Life gets tough, and you are not here to help me cope with it.
Some days are harder than others, but most of them are because of you. There are so many things that I want to tell you. I want to tell you about my day, the score on my test, that I passed my driving test last October, that I can't wait to graduate and that I love you.
Each day is hard because I constantly think of everything you are going to miss. You will miss my high school graduation, the first day of college, walking me down the aisle and your grandchildren.
Since you passed, I've learned so many life lessons. Since you died, I learned to cherish all the people around me because life is super short. I learned to be grateful for everything around me because it might not be here tomorrow. I learned how to be adventurous because there is too much to see. And lastly, I learned how to be happy because I deserve to be.
Thank you for everything you have ever done. You taught me how to throw a softball. You believed in me, and you told me I should always go out and follow my dreams. Thank you for teaching me how to be kind and compassionate toward others, for loving me and for showing me how I should be loved. Thank you for everything.
Learning to adjust without you was hard, and it still is. Looking back on all the times we had together, I'm grateful that we shared the bond that we did. I would not trade it for the world. Your death was tragic and something nobody should ever have to experience. Life is not always rainbows and sunshine; there are tons of storms and clouds.
September 15, 2016 was a hard day, maybe one of the hardest days I've had in the 17 years of my life. I can't just pull up emotions in the month of September. Every day is a constant struggle, sometimes a constant break down. And some days are better than others.
Dad, I miss you with my whole heart and soul, and there is not a day that goes by I don't miss you.
Olivia White
