Nobody truly understands the pain a custody battle brings unless you have faced or watched a loved one go through one. The term heartbreaking cannot begin to describe the feeling they face. The fact that the child is now having two homes should be enough for the parents to keep the fighting to a minimum. Not only does the custody battle hurt the child but it also effects each side of the family. The child cannot see the grandparents or aunts and uncles like they used to. Keep an open mind and remember that things are extremely challlanging for the child now.
Here are some things you should know:
1. The parent fighting isn’t always the bad guy. The court system tries to bring out the worst in the parent that is fighting so that they do not get full custody. In Pennsylvania, most fathers have a tough time getting partial custody due to the court system. Even if the father shows he can provide for the child, time is limited and the mother can always argue her case.
2. The child involved is confused on what is going on. In younger children, the child doesn’t understand why they cannot see their other parent every day or why they can’t spend the days they want to with them.
3. Stop using the child as an object. If your child wants to see the other parent or even call them, be open minded and let them do so. Keeping them away just hurts them more and more. They didn’t ask for the separation and they shouldn’t have to deal with the fighting of the parents.
4. Meet the other parent halfway. Despite how much one parent hates the other, for the child, they should be civil and work things out. If that means getting lunch together once a week? Do it. The child deserves to see their parents happy with them.
5. Communication should only be about the child. Do not talk to each other about love interests or hobbies. Keep things strictly to a child information only relationship. Talking about the child may keep things civil and normal between the parents. If the new love interests are brought into the mix, this may make things worse.
6. If the child has a bond with their grandparents/aunt/uncle, allow them to continue to see them. Do not ruin their bond they developed just because you have it out for their other parent. They love their family and they want to see them just as much as their other parent. Keep communication open between them and maintain that bond for the child.
7. All holidays should be shared. Both families deserve to see the child on the holiday. Due to having split homes, each home should be prepared to spend the holiday with the child. Both parents should get the same amount of time with the child to make things fair. If the child doesn’t get to see each and every family member during the holiday, that’s fine. What matters is that they get to spend time with their intermediate family and their parents.
