An Open Letter To Children Of Divorced Parents

An Open Letter To Children Of Divorced Parents

Just in time for the holiday season.
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Dear Children of Divorced Parents,

With Halloween over, the most dreaded time of the year is upon us. The month of November is the official start of the holiday season for most Americans. For some people, this is their favorite time of the year. Unfortunately, children of divorced parents see it a different way. That’s you. When your parents first got divorced, everyone tells you how jealous they are of you: you’ll now get two birthdays, multiple Christmases or Kwanzaa’s, two Thanksgiving dinners or more gifts for Hanukkah. While that statement is true in a way, the multiple holidays also bring immense stress for some of us.

Almost every holiday you’ll be forced to ask yourself if it was your mom’s turn or your dad’s turn to have you. Did they have you last year or was it two years ago now? Will one parent get you for lunch on Thanksgiving or for dinner? What if they both decide to have Thanksgiving at the same time? Will one parent have a place to go if you end up with the other parent? Or will they spend the holiday alone?

A big choice you’ll have to possibly make is which parent will not have their kid on a major holiday. Believe me, I understand how completely difficult it is to have that hanging over your head. You may or may not love each parent equally, but if you do, the guilt you feel is real, and over time, that feeling never really fades away.

Maybe one day your parents will get remarried, and this is good in a way, but for the holiday season it only adds to the chaos. On Christmas Eve, you’ll go to your mom’s house, then to her mom’s house. On Christmas, you’ll go to your dad’s house, then his mom’s house. Then the next day, you’ll have to go to your new stepdad’s family’s house and so on. Christmas is no longer daylong but rather a week long. And when you’re spending so much time traveling back and forth, the real meaning of Christmas is lost. And this can be true for any holiday, not just Christmas. It’s no longer known as a day to celebrate, but a day to pretend like this is the normal way to celebrate holidays. And it really isn’t.

Not being able to celebrate as a family during holidays kills us more than people realize. Anyone who comes from a divorced family dreams of the days when their parents were still together. You wish for the chance to go back so you can truly appreciate what little time you had as a complete family. If your parents didn’t have a good divorce, this only adds to the stress of the holidays. Some of you may have been lucky enough to have parents who are still friends, but I guarantee that that is almost always not the way it works. When your parents hate each other, there’s a big chance that they’ll try and pit you against the other parent. So for holidays, insults about how one parent celebrated or what they got you for the holiday get thrown around. It will be a competition until the very end.

Speaking of gift giving, that can become very tricky too. Your parents will only get so much time with you. This means that one may know you better than the other, while one still thinks that you play with hot wheels or Barbies when you’re now 16 years old. The biggest problem that you may run in to is repeat gifts. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen kids get the exact same thing from each parent and have to play it off like it was unique. It’s extremely hard to fake excitement when you get something for the third time.

So, all of you divorced kids, here’s to you. I understand you, I feel your pain and I am here for you. We’re all here for you. You may feel that no one understands your slightly negative outlook on the holidays, but rest assured that you are not alone. Your parents won’t understand. Your friends may not understand. But if you can make it through the holiday season this year, then you can show them all that we are the strongest type of children out there.

Signed,

One Of You

Cover Image Credit: Kayla Green

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A Letter To My Mom Who Also Happens To Be My Best Friend

We all have friends but no friend is as special to us as our mom.
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To All The Best Friends:

We all have a best friend or two. Girls have many friends, but there is one friend we can all truly count on. We all know her and hope to be as great a friend as she is one day. She's that friend that's always there. The one you can always count.

This friend will be there at the drop of a hat. This friend will answer no matter what. This friend is your mom. Mom, mommy, momma, mother, or whatever you call her you know she's your best friend. My mom really is my best friend. Some people say that but don't really believe it.

Best friends are the ones we can tell our deepest secrets. The secrets that we trust everyone with. The secrets I tell my mom she usually already knows. When I tell her I'm upset she already knows that too. She is the person who is always the happiest for you.

Ever since I was little my mom has been the first one in the stands and the last one to leave my awards. My mom is there no matter what. Having my mom as a friend means I can count on her, but as my best friend I can always trust her.

Whatever she has to do can wait. Whatever she has going on can go to the back burner. When it comes to an event she's there.

To say I love her is an understatement. She is the best friend I'll ever have. When I'm sick she's there to take care of me even though she is risking getting sick. I've had four different surgeries and countless doctor appointments and she's always there.

My favorite thing about her is that she loves me unconditionally even when I do not deserve it. I don't deserve the love she gives to me but she gives it anyways; that and that alone is why your mom is the best friend you can ever have. Thank you to my mom and all the other moms out there that are our best friends.

Love,

The Daughters Who Are Beyond Thankful for You.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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A Letter To The Mean Girls In High School

You're not as cool as you thought
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Dear mean girls from high school,

How are you? I hope you're well, but not that well. I'm writing this letter to tell you a few things.

We spent our days passing in the high school hallways, sitting in class together, and sitting near each other at the long, dirty, sticky lunch tables. You used to be my friends. Little did I know you were the complete opposite. It's funny how the people you think you're closest to are the ones who are actually your arch enemies. I know this now, and I thank you for teaching me how to spot your breed in college, because now I can avoid wasting time on people like you.

Luckily, you didn't make high school all that bad for me. You just helped me find my lifelong friends. I hope you found people like yourself at college, and have realized that talking about people and spreading rumors is actually not that cool. You can't even put it on your resume so what's the point? It's even more funny to look back at this now, because their way of life is totally changed once you get to college. It's every mean girl's worst nightmare. There's no friend group that's more popular than the other, and people don't have time to waste on trying to impress you to make you like them. People like you fed off of that feeling in high school, and now you're starving, because no one's going for that kind of bait anymore.

I can't sit with you? NO problem.

In reality, no one is better than anyone else, and that is something I learned as soon as I walked up to get my diploma in that cap and gown, and I hope you guys have learned that by now too.

You don't like my outfit?

My hair is curled badly?

Well, you've just waisted some precious oxygen and time by saying that, and have also waisted some brain power by even bothering to think it because quite frankly, I don't care.

I am a firm believer in what is called Karma, and that right there is what helped me laugh off the whispers I constantly saw, or the conversations I overheard discussing your plans for the weekend, which by the way, didn't involve anything exciting. I can guarantee those snapchat stories you put up made it look more fun than it seemed. I've been a part of it before, and your type of friend group does not know what fun is.


It's always hard to criticize the mean girls, because hey, they're perfect right? Kidding. It's hard to criticize you because no one really knows what's going on at home, or behind the scenes. Most girls like you cause problems, start rumors, and fail to make others feel comfortable in their own school environment is because of your own insecurities, and I'm sorry about that, but please stop making us confident people feel otherwise.

I hope now that you have experienced a bigger college environment and have realized that it's not always going to be you standing over a high school of 500. In the real world, not everyone is going to know you by name, and not everyone is going to go out of their way to say hi to you in passing. Because in reality, no one wants to waste their time on people who don't really care about them. I know I don't.

Well, it's been nice. See ya never, from yours truly,

Devyn

Cover Image Credit: msmojo

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