I can still remember the first day I arrived here in the United States. It is truly baffling how much of that moment and how much of where I came I can still remember considering I came here at the young age of six. At that age I did not really understand the giant leap of faith my entire family had taken by moving to a new country because everything to me seemed like toys on a shelf – new and exciting
At times, it feels like being at a crossroads and most of the time not in a particularly pleasant way. It wouldn't be years later until I would feel the effects of coming from another culture but being integrated in another. The feeling can be confusing and frustrating at times.
Although I consider myself blessed to be multicultural and having double the insight into the world, sometimes there was this feeling of not fitting in. It feels like straddling a line that on one side is where I came from and the other who I became after moving to the United States.
Having an identity crisis this late in the game seems rather useless and futile having lived here for more than fourteen years but I think it is important to share. There are several other people who I know that have felt this way one way or another because there is a sense of loss from both sides of the spectrum. I lost a lot more than my home in Venezuela. I lost who I could have been if I'd stayed as well all the cultural identity that most of my family still has.
The best way I could explain it is one of isolation and the feeling of being out of place. I don't really consider myself one or the other. Neither Venezuelan nor American but rather a fusion of the two. I can tell others that feel this way that it is possible to feel a connection to both places in a world filled with diversity.
It is a matter of taking what you can from both aspects of being a first generation immigrant and implementing it in your growth a human being. I think it is important to keep some of the things your culture has to offer as well as accepting new aspects of where you happen to live. There is so much you can offer to others as well as yourself. Who you are will always be something that stays with you regardless of where you live and I think understanding that has become the hardest part. I am both Venezuelan and American.
