When You're At A Crossroads In Life And Suicide Seems Like The Only Option, Choose Life

When You're At A Crossroads In Life And Suicide Seems Like The Only Option, Choose Life

In the darkest of times, it may feel like the only way to fix your life is to end it.


Content warning: Suicide

Life can be a tangled mess when things get complicated. Take it from somebody who knows and understands - it's not an easy place to be, especially when you desperately want to get back on your feet again. In times such as these, it's all too easy to allow your mind to drift to that all-too-depressing question: would everything be better if I disappeared forever?

As a blatant and honest answer before even getting into it: no. Regardless of where you stand in life, nothing could ever be further from a solution. I've seen the effects of it, I've felt the weight of it, and I've had times where I've even considered it. In the end, nobody wins in these situations, and those left behind are undoubtedly worse off for it.

We have to keep a check on our own mentalities.

When left unchecked, it's surprising just how dark our mindsets can be. We constantly overthink the interactions we have with other people, especially after going through a negative experience, such as a breakup or the death of someone close to us. In times like these, it's too easy to lose ourselves in our depression - and before long, the idea of leaving everything behind seems that much more reasonable.

There's nothing easy about making sure you keep these feelings in check, but you'll find that when you keep on top of the things that are dragging you down, positivity isn't far behind.

Learn not to make every little thing so dramatic.

When we're down, it's far too easy to overexaggerate everything that's going on. The more we feed into this negative mentality, the more likely we may be to give in to it, with dire consequences waiting on the horizon.

Reach out to others and do something to calm your thoughts.

In this time period, find select people whom you trust and whom you know will take you seriously, and let them know what's going on. It's going to hurt, but any pain you feel from going through these conversations will be infinitely better than the alternative.

In addition, try going out and doing something to still your nerves. There are bound to be friends who will be excited to see you, or you could even just take a peaceful walk down your street or in the woods. The world is your oyster, and you have every reason to explore every part of it that you can. It's worked well for me personally.

Music helps when you're walking, but it's not necessary. Just focus on appreciating the beautiful world that surrounds you, and use that to remember just how much better off that world is with you in it.

My older brother was unable to keep from giving in to the worst of his thoughts, and the effects of that caused emotional scars on my family that will never be sealed. I've had many friends struggle with similar thoughts, and after the events of last year, there were a few occasions where I considered it myself.

All of us just need to take a step back and appreciate what we DO have every time we've convinced ourselves that there's nothing here for us anymore. There will be pain to come in your future, but it will be nothing compared to the suffering you would put others through if you were to go down that path.

Step back from those crossroads and come back home, back in the direction from which you came. Nobody can promise you a life without strife, but I can tell you that you would be doing yourself a disservice by cutting off all your potential forever.

Hang in there. Get the help you need. No matter how bad it may seem, it will get better. When you keep this in mind, nothing can ever stop you.

It's time we got out and made some new memories.

Popular Right Now

To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Staying Quiet Is Never The Answer

Never hold in anything—always talk to someone.


"Talk to someone" may be a phrase used all of the time, but I'm serious when I say, talk to someone.

I cannot stress enough the importance of talking to someone when you are going through anything difficult that is bringing you down. Believe me when I say that this is something I had to learn myself. I'm the queen of not talking about anything to anyone and wearing my, "Everything is okay" mask, but that is one of the most unhealthy things you can do. Holding everything in is so damaging to you emotionally and mentally. When you bottle everything, it will eventually all come out and it will be on someone you are close to who had no idea about anything you tell them.

My reason for not talking was always that my problems would add a burden to someone else and I never wanted to do that; the truth is, those that care about you think more about ways they can help than your problems being a burden for them. I've always been the person to hold everything in until it got to be too much and then I would explode on one of the people closest to me; not only was that damaging to me, but it was damaging to my relationship with that person as well.

Talking to someone is one of the most serious things you can do. People have been placed in your life as people you can vent to and tell everything to. I'm not saying vent to everyone in your life, but find at least one person you can trust and talk to them. The more you talk to people and let them in, the easier it gets to become something you do normally and the easier life gets. Even if you don't want to talk to someone close to you, there are hotlines you can call and talk to people who literally do that as their job. Your problems are not a burden and do not need to be held inside.

Talk to someone; the more you do it, the easier it gets.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Related Content

Facebook Comments