When I met my husband, we bonded over how much we couldn't stand my ex. It was, like, meant to be.
After a little while, he told me he had Crohn's disease, and I wasn't really sure what that meant. In fact, I don't even think I researched it for a year. In case you don't know, Crohn's disease is an inflammatory bowel disease that causes a lot of pain and issues with your intestines.
After about a year he wound up in the hospital, and my new job had started a few blocks away. Every day I would go off to training class, and every night I would sleep in the hospital by his bed. I went home maybe once to get some clothes. He was in there for a week, if I remember correctly. And little did I know this would be life with him.
Over the next few years, there were numerous ER visits, and hospital stays brought on by immobilizing pain that brought him to tears with his head in a puke bag. I had to be there. Even when I was close to delivering our first child, I had to be there, rubbing his back and keeping track of his condition. After the baby was born, I pushed a stroller to the hospital so that he could see his only son—and in case you haven't gathered, that was also a separate occasion.
I couldn't drive so he drove himself and I walked to get to him. After we moved too far from the hospital, it got to a point where his mother would keep our son while I stayed with him. It's been a ride.
I've filled out so many forms, I know all of his information by heart, including his social security number. And each time turned into late night and early morning. I had to deal with the baby refusing to sleep because I could tell in his eyes, he knew his father wasn't there. This was one of the hardest things I had to come to terms with.
Being this type of girlfriend was preparing me to be a better wife. I had never known how to love someone in such a vulnerable state. I named this "mommy mode." When I'm in mommy mode, that means I become superwoman and take care of the whole family simultaneously without help even if I'm exhausted. I might have the world on my shoulders, but it has to be carried by someone. A lot of women would have said it's too much. But it taught me how to pick up where my husband lacked.
To my wives, wives-to-be, and women looking to be wives in the future, this is your job. He's supposed to do it too, but you have a responsibility also. You take care of him so he can take care of you. Everything else will fall into place.
