On Tuesday morning when I went to the polls to vote in my first presidential election, I cried a few tears because I thought I had just voted for the first female president of the United States. It was approximately 12 hours later that I cried again when I began to realize what was happening.

At first I cried for just a minute as I tried to rationalize that this wasn't happening. "She didn't need Florida," I thought. It was just before 1:30 a.m. that the sheer weight of what was happening hit me and I cried until I finally got a headache and fell asleep. The next morning I went to class and we talked about the election, obviously. Multiple people said they felt like they were in mourning. Some still in disbelief. I was among them. It was good conversation, but when I got to work and talked to my adviser about it I broke down and started bawling.

In that moment I couldn't explain why I was crying but the idea popped into my head to write this. I needed to explain why I was crying so much, why people my age felt so depressed. Why we aren't being "dramatic." As I wrote this on a notepad in my bed I cried some more because I knew there would be backlash, but honestly at this point I don't care anymore. People in minority groups have had horrible things said to them as a result of what happened Tuesday night so I can take a few Facebook comments from "friends" that I haven't talked to in four years. So now a few days later and after typing this up...here we are. This is why I cried...

I cried because I wanted and expected Hillary to win.

I cried because the thought of Donald Trump as President scared me and hundreds of people all around me.

I cried because a Republican controlled Presidency, House, Senate and maybe Supreme Court could mean a great many things that are scary for myself and many people that I know.

I cried because I worried that this will set our country back years, decades even... I still do.

I cried because I have gay friends that want to get married in the next few years and I no longer know if that will be possible.

I cried for the ice caps, rain forests and islands all over the world because climate change must be acted upon NOW, but Trump said it was a Chinese hoax. I'm afraid we won't have enough time to save the planet in the future, that should make everyone cry.

I cried because as someone with first-hand sexual assault experience, I don't know how much this administration is actually going to care about women, about that issue and about equality. Will my birth control still be free/low-cost? Will Roe v. Wade be appealed? Planned Parenthood? I cried.

I cried because it may take decades for another female to become a presidential nominee...it should have been her.

I cried because for the second time in the last five elections the majority of the country was not heard as the person with the most votes is not going to be our next president.

I cried because I have friends that could be deported or could be banned from this country if Trump lives up to his word. I don't know what to say to them other than I support you.

I cried because I don't want people to think I'm racist because I'm white. But I also cried because minorities have the right to be worried around white people; I would be too.

I cried because Obama deserved better.

I cried because the World's view of Americans just got much, much worse. That saddens me.

I cried because I'm worried to go home at Thanksgiving because I know some of my family voted for Trump, I just don't know why. If it was an anti-Hillary or anti-establishment vote, okay. But I cried because I may never know if deep down some of them actually agreed with what Donald Trump said about minorities, about LGBTQ+, about disabilities and about my gender. I may never know... but I'm always going to wonder.

I cried because people think we're whining about this election just because we "lost" and say we have no right to cry. We have to cry.

People laughed as others cried on campus when Hillary made her concession speech. I cried too at Hillary's powerful and graceful words, at the cruelty of people, at the state of our nation.

I cried because for the first time in my life I was educated on politics, I could vote in a presidential election and I already felt angry with the system. How did this happen? How were the polls so wrong? How were people so ignorant on major issues? How didn't more people vote? HOW?

I cried (the silent soft tears that people barely notice) as my political science professor walked into class that Wednesday morning and said, "I thought about what to say to you all all night, and I don't know what to say." No one knew what to say. Up until I wrote this article down on a piece of paper I didn't know what to say. Which is why I cried.

I cried because our system is broken. Families are broken. Our nation is divided. And people are scared. I am too.

But it will be okay. I will be okay. Whatever okay means. Will I cry in the months to come as a result of this election? Almost certainly. This kind of issue doesn't go away in 24 hours no matter how much some people want it to. I hope that the next four years are a shocking surprise but I know there may be fights ahead, some that we may lose, some that may cause more tears. The future may be unknown but in this moment, in the aftermath of this divide, people need to accept and understand that the tears are not just about losing.