Listen to really inspirational Spotify playlists while you walk, study, eat and shower. These motivational tunes will keep you from spontaneously sobbing while you walk, study, eat and shower!
Eat more of everything. It’s difficult to be truly sad if you’re halfway through a pizza you intend to eat all of! #NoFoodRegrets2k17
Spend as much time as possible sleeping because you can’t be sad and tired if you’re asleep. Boom. Call up your childhood best friend and let them know that naps have officially taken his or her place. Naps are your best friend now. Naps will stand next to you at your wedding. Naps are the life force.
When you aren’t able to sleep, spend your free time browsing the Internet. The internet is truly Al Gore’s gift to the world, and nothing transforms crippling ennui into joyful ennui like the internet.
Ignore all your responsibilities—even down to the smallest, most insignificant ones! Since you’re only three years into your four year prison sentence, you don't have the looming, major responsibilities of being a senior, but truly make the most of the minimum responsibilities you have by ignoring all of them like a small child.
Clean things that don’t need to be cleaned—sporadically. Let your roommate wonder why you’re cleaning the AC vent at midnight. Make the RA kind of nervous when you sweep the entire hallway at 3 in the afternoon. Basically, whenever you feel a lack of control because your life withering away in an academic hellscape, take control of whatever cleaning supplies you can and get to it.
Watch everything on Netflix and Hulu and Amazon Prime. Make it your mission to accomplish something because it feels like you’ve been in college so long yet you’ve accomplished nothing. So turn to the world of streaming and earn a degree worth having.
Don’t do the reading for any classes. Better yet, don’t buy the books. Actually, don’t even take the class. Drop out. Run as far as you can. Never return.
Just kidding, don’t drop out—just don’t do the reading.
Only hang out with people who aren’t set to graduate at the end of the semester. Those traitors have a light at the end of the tunnel, and you have nothing. Nothing but a long, scary tunnel and no hope.
Pick up a new, useless hobby—preferably one you can use discreetly during boring classes. You don’t have to pay attention to a class you don’t care about if you can focus on wiggling your ears or drawing elaborate stick figures.
Start channeling your overwhelming blues into some seriously emotional art. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to sell pieces from your early, angsty years for a truckload of money. Pain is good for art, sometimes. Don’t waste yours.
Don’t take any of these suggestions too seriously because I am a junior who is so ready to graduate and nothing I say makes any sense anymore.
