Alright, this is about to get really embarrassing for me. This past week I had a revelation. This was not a good revelation, but it's something I'm glad I figured out now rather than not know until I'm in my late forties wondering what's wrong with me. At least I'm ahead of the curve!
You know in the movies there's that girl who's literally psycho! Like super possessive over guys who she's not even dating, and randomly starts being over dramatic for no reason. That girl, ladies, and gentlemen, is me.
I acquired this information through a conversation that my friend Kari and I were having about uncomfortable situation having to deal with a guy that I used to talk to… a while ago. And I was still hung up on it. Not him per say, but the whole situation instantly made me start overthinking again and threw me back into a whirl of unsavory emotions.
It was as if at that moment things just clicked. Why in the world did I care so much about an issue that was so minuscule and so far long ago? Why was I making it seem as if I was staring in my own soap opera and my whole world was falling apart? It wasn't. My world was fine. It finally dawned on me to ask myself why I still cared so much, and I didn't have an answer.
I came to the realization that I'd been acting like the stereotypical crazy ex-girlfriend character that television audiences love to hate. I didn't want to be that person. I wasn't even this man's ex, why was I allowing myself to get so hung up on something that truly didn't matter in the end.
I finally realized that my the answer to these questions was my immaturity. I'd been acting like a high school version of myself for too long. I still naturally have a childlike demeanor, but I have to face the facts that I am a grown ass woman. For my sanity, I needed to grow up.
Right now I'm focusing on my life and trying not to speculate about others'. I'm learning to calm my mind when it begins to get cluttered with weightless thoughts and let go of the preconceived ideas that are trapped in my head of the way that things should be.
It's going to take time. It's not going to happen overnight, but I'm glad that I've realized my fault and now at least I'm able to make the necessary steps to better myself.
Oh and as for that guy, I hope he's doing well.
