Just like everyone else, I am so sick of being stuck inside, being confined to my house (for the most part) and not being able to do any of the activities that I enjoy or being forced to talk and see my friends ONLY through device screens. I am a social person, I love people, I love playing sports, going outdoors, going to coffee shops and most of all loved my job. I am by no means a homebody. Since this has began due to having to isolate myself and losing my job, I have felt my mental health completely diminish and go down the toilet.

I am consistently wondering what is going to happen next, how long this is going to last, how things are going to be after this and lastly rethinking every single decison I have made financially and in general prior to this pandemic. Don't get me wrong, fortunatley I was one of the few college aged students that was actually able to save up a few thousand just in case for emergencies like this, but it makes me wonder if what I have saved even will be enough. We are in month two of this pandemic and although some accomadations have been made, I wonder what else will happen.. I am (in case it hasn't already been obvious) someone who struggles hardcore with anxiety and even a little depression. I think and overthink every single thing that happens, I am someone who plans every single ounce of her life out, even with the worst case scenerios in mind too. This has thrown everything out that I thought I had planned out though.

I've spend so many days that I have been worrying so much that I don't go to sleep anymore, or if I do it's not until 6am. Which then quickly turns into me sleeping in until about 2pm and wasting most of my day then waking up feeling bad about myself, my choices and eventually becoming annoyed and depressed. This is just a vicious cycle that I have gotten myself into that I cannot break.

Aside from that I get so depressed and anxious while being kept locked up inside. Covid, fuck you for closing my stress relievers down. Any time that I felt myself starting to feel those feelings I would go to the gym, go to the batting cages, go hit up my local coffee shop, etc. and now everything is closed. I still try to get out and walk my dog as much as I can and go on runs, but let's be honest that gets really boring pretty quickly. I am getting so burnt out, so irritable and I hate feeling trapped like I do.

I wish people would realize how big this problem is and that they would just stay inside, follow the orders from the CDC and social distance. This is killing my mental health, it's killing my happiness and I need to get back to having a real schedule and getting back out to see people. So, for the love of god, check in on ALL of your friends, wash your hands, and stay home so we can kick this in the bud and I, and many other people across the nation can start feeling better again. We need everything to get better so that we can have better resources and ways to better ourselves again.