Counseling still gets a bad rap, even in 2016. Luckily, mental health has never been such a recognized issue than it is right now, but for some reason, people are still hesitant to search for help when their racing thoughts or suicidal tendencies keep them up at night.

A quick google search reveals that 44% of college students have signs of depression, while an astonishing 77% of these students do not seek help for these symptoms.

What. The. F*ck.

Just reading that made my heart sink to my stomach.

I realized upon entering college that I was not okay. I was crying all of the time and didn’t feel any sort of motivation to do...well, anything. I had racing thoughts, constant feelings of doubt, and a persistent notion that nothing really mattered. When I found out my best friend was struggling with anxiety and that we shared some of the symptoms, she suggested that I go see a counselor.

“It helped me,” she said, looking at me from the corner of her eye. Almost like she was afraid to make eye-contact. As though I was going to freak out on her and bludgeon her with my words of disbelief. How could she do this to me?

“I don’t know… it didn’t help me in the past,” I said, the past being ten years ago. She didn’t expect this.

“You were in counseling?”

I shrugged. “I was a sad kid. It was through the school; the counselor was an idiot.”

Getting matched with the wrong counselor can be detrimental to any sort of healing process. Back in the day, I was a sad kid that didn’t know what was wrong with her. Looking back now, it was from education I received through counseling and my own research that I realized I had depression, even as a young child. Because I was paired with a person that I didn’t match well with, my process was halted. Now I know that it was no fault of her own. Though health-care professionals are compatible with most of their clients, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. I’ve had friends that terminated counseling without giving it a second thought; for that, I urge you to reconsider.

The fact that you’re thinking about counseling at all is a wonderful sign that means you should give it a try. That’s what my friend told me. “If you’re thinking about it all, you should do it.”

So I did.

I tried to avoid contact with anyone I knew on the walk over to the campus health center. I didn’t want people wondering if I was sick, or worse, mentally ill. A broken bone, yeah, patch me right up. A broken mind on the other hand…

And that’s how I felt. I felt broken, like I didn’t have any sort of control over my life. After spilling my guts in the first few sessions with the counselor, she looked at me with such clarity in her eyes.

“You do realize you have depression?”

I didn’t have depression. No way. All I did was cry all the time, and question human existence, and puzzle over every interaction I had with another person, and rag on myself for sticking my foot in my mouth for days, and cry about events that happened three years ago, and sleep a lot, and constantly feel anxious.

Oh shit, I thought. I have depression.

Everything clicked. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t realize it sooner. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety (they make a good pair). It was only through counseling and the help of my friend that I was able to get on the right medication (after some trial and error) and finally become a normal, functioning person. One that can laugh and go to class and get out of bed, period.

I still go too. Though I don’t attend counseling sessions during the summer due to additional costs, I go to the counselor every couple of weeks or so during the course of the semester (thank goodness for the services included in tuition). This is the biggest cause of worry though. If rates among college students are so unbelievably high, why is no one seeking out the free help often available on college campuses.

There are two reasons I can think of off the top of my head: the stigma and the disbelief.

No one wants to admit there’s something wrong with the way their brain works.

But it’s just chemicals. My brain isn’t holding onto serotonin the way it should be, that’s all. It took me a long time to be comfortable sharing all this, but thinking of it in a more scientific way has helped me tremendously. It’s not me as a person. It’s a big part of me, but it isn’t all of me.

The stigma is the worst. People look down on those that can’t handle their problems by themselves; they’re either not strong enough, or manly enough, or independent enough. And that, my friends, is bullshit.

Counseling is more than spilling your guts to a stranger. Sure, some of it is if you’re just having a shit week, but counseling has helped me analyze a lot of situations that I’m having trouble understanding. Why do I let little things bother me? Well, what else is going on? And we can come to different ways of assessing a situation or conclusions that’ll help me in the future.

Counseling isn’t a magical cure-all that’ll turn your life around. Neither are the SSRIs or SNRIs patients are typically prescribed. But it sure as hell helps.

Weekly goals, getting over a breakup, dealing with a death, functioning with a mental illness: counseling is awesome. If it isn’t your bag, then don’t do it. But don’t hesitate because your frat bro is calling you a pussy. Don’t avoid the health center because you’re afraid of weird looks from wandering passersby. Don’t worry about disappointing your parents.

This is your life. This is important.

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

NDMDA Depression Hotline: 800-826-3632