College is a huge chapter in your life, mainly because it opens your mind into what you're going to do for the rest of your life. In August, I took the biggest step of my life so far, which was moving 1,000 miles away from home to go to college. I packed up my stuff, and I moved from Minnesota to Colorado.
When I arrived to college, I moved straight in to my room, and became extremely excited to start my new adventure all on my own! Getting to move in one week early for marching band made me feel even more ecstatic, because I get to make even more friends before classes start. My mom left for home 2 days after I moved in, and I thought I was on top of the world, and homesickness wouldn't affect me at all. The excitement was so surreal, which led me to make the decision to stop taking antidepressants. I wanted the full college experience without relying on that medicine.
The first day of classes started,
and my entire world flipped upside down. After my first class, I called my father crying. I screamed and begged him to let me leave because I couldn't handle it. He explained how this was my choice to go here, and the whole summer I was so excited to be in a new place. He continued to tell me that I could go home if I really wanted to, but I should at least stick out one semester.
Anxiety and depression quickly set in, and panic attacks were frequent. Days would trudge on, and nothing seemed to get better. The only thing I could do was homework, or sleep.
But suddenly, things changed.
The few friends I had turned in to multiple friends, and I started to go out to meet new people. Friends in marching band invited me to parties, and it opened me up to new experiences. I ended up switching rooms for personal reasons, and I quickly became best friends with my neighbors and people I shared a balcony with. I finally felt like I belonged here.
The new friends I made introduced me to different hobbies, which helped me occupy my time so sadness couldn't creep through. I started to slack line, go to improve classes, perform poetry at an event, paint and draw, and also get even more into marching. Having all of these outlets quickly taught me that life truly is beautiful if you open yourself up to it.
Soon enough, the panic attacks decreased tremendously, and I slowly got happier. Just by leaving my room and making friends with similar interest, I got to find myself and become more comfortable in my new surroundings. College friends are so much more valuable, and the ones I made genuinely care about me. They get to see me on my good days, and also choose to support and help me on the worst days. No one causes drama because they all want to be happy. Surrounding myself with these people made such a huge difference.
Depression and anxiety will always be hidden away inside, but I finally found things to keep in hidden away. I forced myself to use my time and do as much as possible so the sadness couldn't break through. Making the decision to go out of state was definitely the most difficult thing I have done, but it was definitely worth it. I have made a new home, and I will never forget where I came from. Homesickness cannot control your life, and that's why I took a stand against myself, just so I could be happy.
Here's to the friends that got me this far in my college journey. Without you, I would have gone back home to my comfort zone and stayed in my shell. Thank you all for breaking me out of that shell, and sitting through the panic attacks or episodes I constantly have. You guys are the reason I am who I am right in this moment, and I never want to leave this place. I can beat the homesickness with the friendships I have created here, and I am forever grateful for everyone in my life.
