Let's go back to high school; back to a time where love sprouted in any place it could extend its roots, and we were all too young and naive to believe anything but the idea of that person being the love of your life. I was easily thrown into that category as a baby freshman who quickly fell in love with her first real boyfriend. In some respects our relationship was dreamlike: he would bring me flowers when I was sick, write love letters, talk to me on the phone every night and would even bring my lunch to school if I had forgotten mine. In no time he became my world, and it seemed as if this could have been my happily ever after, beginning so early in my life. It took me a long time to realize the flaws that had been hiding in the woodwork for most of our time together. The controlling aspect of our relationship had quickly gotten to a point of no return, and when faced with the choice of my freedom or my love, I finally found the strength to put myself first. However, my first love was by no means a monster, and I learned many things that I know about love and relationships through my two and a half years by his side.
1. Never let your significant other dictate your actions.
Naturally if you're doing something that could be potentially harmful to your well-being, take their guidance into consideration, but by no means should you ever feel like you're being held on a leash. When it gets to the point where he's telling you what to wear, how to eat and where you can go, it may be time to reevaluate.
2. Don't let his/her insecurities keep you from your friends.
It's a no-brainer that when you're dating someone you thoroughly enjoy the time you spend with them. It's understandable that more often than not, you would want them by your side in any social setting. However, it's not healthy when your relationship status starts being threatened by your significant other because they don't approve of your friends and want them all to themselves; you are no one's property.
3. Since were talking about insecurities, remember: jealousy is not an expression of love.
We all love to associate jealousy with love. It's the easiest assumption to make that your boyfriend/girlfriend is only upset or annoyed about your tight-knit relationship with your BFF of the opposite sex because they don't want anyone else to have you. WRONG. They're jealous because you spending time with someone else and giving them the attention they crave is making them feel as if they've lost control.
4. If he doesn't love himself, you can't expect him to love you.
My ex-boyfriend had struggles of his own and despite every attempt he made, I knew in my heart he wasn't in a place to give me the love I needed. Aside from the fact that we were toxic, I tended to take things less seriously, and although I did get mad over silly things, I was even angrier when he would try taking over my life. Everyone deserves someone who has an excess of love to give;
never settle.
5. You also have to remember to love yourself.
I had a lot of issues when it came to body image and self-esteem. I critiqued myself constantly and thought relatively lowly of myself. Letting him control what I did was the only direction I had, but it wasn't until I broke free of the cycle that I truly found and understood myself. I didn't love myself enough in the beginning to put my foot down or simply say no, and not giving myself that love I needed was the worst thing for me.
6. You both probably have a lot of growing up to do. It's OK to agree that you aren't the best for one another.
My ex and I got to the point that we understood we were no good for each other. Despite the love we had and our history, we weren't at the maturity level required to maintain a stable and happy relationship that could outlive the halls of high school. We grew apart and changed for the better in time. We just weren't meant for each other anymore, that's just how life works, and that's OK.
So don't stick around just because you think this one is your forever, because if they were, they would let you spread your wings and soar, not wrap you up in chains and force you to the ground.
