When it comes to art and expression, I’ve always subscribed to the mindset that it’s important to practice what you love in communities that are positive and uplifting, as opposed to competitive and cutthroat, even if it means sacrificing visibility at times. Through my background in theatre, music, and writing, I’ve encountered many types of artistic organizations and communities––some have been healthy and beneficial to me, and others have been toxic. I’ve spent a good amount of time floundering with this––I’ve had to learn to navigate where I feel most comfortable creating, and when to reevaluate the situation.

As someone who went to a performing arts high school for theatre, I spent a lot of time weighing out whether or not I would thrive or completely flop in a college conservatory program. After contemplating where I saw myself and what I wanted for my education for a very long time, I settled on Pitt, a larger university that would allow me to pursue a healthy balance of artistic and academic opportunities. Although this is glaringly obvious to me now, since spending almost two years here, it’s become clear that the answer isn’t so transparent; avoiding a conservatory didn’t solve all of my problems. In fact, in some ways, it might have made things more confusing.

Since transitioning from theatre to writing, I’ve entered some spaces that have been friendlier and more supportive than others. Since writing fields are inherently cutthroat in a lot of ways, it’s easy to get roped into an unhappy and uncomfortable situation if you settle for the mentality that experience is experience, and you should take whatever you can get. While this is unfortunately true in a lot of ways, and finding your voice and gaining visibility means working your way through the ranks, I still believe that you shouldn’t always have to compromise your health and happiness in order to get your work out there. When it comes to writing, or producing any kind of work that you’re passionate about, being surrounded by constant negativity can really take a toll on your mental health, and maybe even cause you to start harboring hatred for an art that you’ve always loved.

Of course, only seeking out one or the other, comfort or visibility, can be a double-edged sword. I’m still trying to find that balance for myself, and it’s definitely not proving to be very easy. I think that most creatives go through an artistic block or take a hiatus from time to time, but I’ve found that the periods where I’m lacking the most inspiration and drained of energy come when I’m surrounded by people who aren’t comfortable building other people up, or acknowledging others’ accomplishments and ideas. I’m still working to surround myself with individuals that respect me and aren’t solely committed to seeing their own name in lights, but I know that I can’t have my cake and eat it too; sometimes pursuing what I love means sacrificing that comfort and positivity. It may not be painless, but it’s definitely necessary.