After returning home from winter break after my first semester of college, I find myself feeling conflicting emotions. I love my school. I really do, I have an amazing roommate, great friends, my classes are great, and I'm getting involved. But I also miss my home. Being 200 miles away from my home and family is not something I thought I could have ever done. I'm so happy that I'm making this journey and exploring a world outside of my 3,500 person town. However, as the days continue I find myself missing home more than ever.
I miss the comfort of the house I grew up in. I miss laughing with my parents for hours. I miss watching my cats play with the same piece of string for 20 minutes. I miss having my car and having the freedom to be able to go places when I need to.
I miss all of those things but I also think about all the things I'd be missing out on if I was at home. I would miss midnight ice cream sessions with my best friend. I would miss all these opportunities to help me achieve my career goals. I would miss making memories that will last me forever. I would miss this chance to be independent for the first time in my life.
There's a confusion when it comes to looking at the different parts of my life. I simultaneously love my school and what I'm doing but am also homesick. I wouldn't change a thing but I also wish things were different. I try to wrap my head around these mixed feelings and the only way I can make sense of it is to remember how lucky I am. I am so lucky that there are two places in this world which both feel like home.
I hear stories of people who go away to school and they hate it more than anything. I also hear stories of people who stay home and would do anything to get out of their parents' home. How lucky am I that I feel completely opposite of both situations? If anything I wish I could just move my school and put it closer than 4 hours away from my home.
I know that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be. While some days may be harder than others I know it will be worth it in the end. After these four years I'll have developed a sense of independence I couldn't have gotten any other way than going away to school. I'll have a degree that I know I truly worked hard for. I think about the opportunities to travel I've already been given. I'm also motivated with the hope I can study abroad to Italy at my school's own campus in Prato. This is a once in a lifetime experience, and I have my whole life to go and move back home if need be (right, Mom and Dad?)
My emotions may be scattered all over the place but for right now I'm just going to be thankful to have two places I consider home.
