Conflicted Feelings

Finals have gone and went. I am home now. I was so looking forward to being home. I can't help but say that I am happy to be done with finals.Yet, at the same time, I don't want to be at home. It is different, college has come to be so nice. Especially being able to take nice long walks on dark streets, while being surrounded by trees and feeling the snow falling on your back. There are so many lights here in the city, so many more cars and so many more houses. I know this may sound weird, but I love the outdoors and having the opportunity to go on a nice cold walk in nature. It helps me just relax and think about what has happened over the course of the day.

It is not that it isn't good to be home. But there are some aspects of being home that have made life drastically different. Both for good and bad. I really love my parents and being off at college has helped me to be able to be a lot more thankful for who my parents are and how they raised me. I love them so much and I know it would make a world of difference if they hadn't raised me and if I didn't see those two face when I came home. They are my lifeline and always will be. When there seems like nothing, I always know I can come home to cry on my mom's shoulder or have deep talks with my dad. I also can be confident that is will on stay between either the two of us or the three of us. I don't know what I would do without my parents.

When I came to college, I wrote "Going Home???" I have lots of friends at college, many of whom I trust. But back home there is nobody who is a really close friend. No guy as close as a brother, not close friend or group of friends whom I grew up with. I always felt different left out, forgotten and rejected as a kid. I am not ready to leave these friends I have made here at college and so preciously want to hold onto. I know that somehow I will be able to survive.

It is not that I don't want to be at home and see my family. I love my family and can't wait to do all our fun family traditions. We are gonna do all those fun family traditions like watching the Polar Express on Christmas eve or making Christmas cookies. I love them and love all the love we show towards each other. I love being able to be with my siblings and going skiing or going Christmas shopping at our dinky little mall in my town. Family is what this season should be all about and will forever be other than the fact of celebrating our life in Christ and the new life he has given us.

These next few weeks of break are gonna be tough, not only because I won't have friends around but also because Christmas is when I reminisce and think a lot about what was, I just don't want to feel different and want to have friends who I can hangout with. I trust though that God will provide. It gonna be great to spend a lot of need time with my parents and siblings that i dearly miss while at college and i think if I have been able to survive nine years of not doing things with my peers i think I will be able to survive.

So from my family to yours,

As the British say I wish you a Happy Christmas and New Year.