Over the years, I learned there is a clear distinction between self-esteem and confidence even though most people seem to believe that they are the same thing. Self-esteem is strictly how you view yourself whereas confidence is based on how others perceive you. I wholeheartedly think this distinction is what allows people to grow in both.
Most of us grow up hearing the phrase that “we’re our own worst critic,” which I believe is entirely true. It’s always going to be harder to tell yourself that you’re beautiful/handsome, smart, funny, kind, friendly, genuine, etc. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and we don’t hold each other to that same standard, which ultimately messes with our self-esteem.
However, the beauty of the distinction between self-esteem and confidence is that you can improve your confidence despite your mind subconsciously messing with your self-esteem. Confidence is an entirely separate mindset, which you can control. YOU can decide how people perceive you.
For instance, I used to get nervous about putting myself out there with certain activities or getting up in front of a group of people to say/announce something. I was afraid that I might mess up or that people would laugh at me. Then, I came to a wonderful realization one day, which was “who cares?” The people that I want to associate myself with wouldn’t negatively judge me for a silly mistake or for stepping out of my comfort zone. If people want to laugh at me, then I don’t need to be around those types of jerks. Let them laugh. They’re probably more insecure than I am.
Ultimately, I think you’ll finally be able to increase your confidence when you stop caring how every person views you. I’m not saying be mean to people or become egotistical because other people don’t matter. However, I think that people’s opinions of you don’t matter as long as you are trying to execute the best version of yourself for the world to see on a daily basis.
On the other hand, I think that working on your self-esteem is a more difficult process. It’s relatively easy to present yourself in a certain way to other people, but you’re the only one who knows how you really feel. For this reason, I recommend working on your confidence first.
As you become more confident, you’ll start to embrace the qualities that make you appear confident. Maybe you’ll be willing to try new things or maybe you can easily say what’s on your mind. You’ll get to the point where you won’t have to remind yourself to be confident, and you’ll just be confident. Then, the confident qualities that other people like and respect about you can eventually be qualities that you like about yourself.
Overall, self-esteem grows from liking only a few qualities to liking a lot about yourself. You need to remind yourself every once in a while how wonderful you really are. Whether or not you have high confidence and/or self-esteem, you’re still awesome. It would just be nice for you and for the world to appreciate how awesome you really are.
