From the time I was a young child, I was always told to have more confidence. Being a generally soft-spoken and cautious person, it was easy for me to feel pushed aside in social situations. Other people would jump for the spotlight, and I would stand back and let them take it. I did want to have more confidence, but something about the way people would constantly give me this same bit of advice — almost like a command-irritated me. "Fake it 'til you make it," they say. I've heard the line countless times. It is noble advice, but for some reason it always came across to me as more of an "if you want people to like you, act like somebody else." Somebody who's not you. Somebody people actually will like. I know my advisors were only trying to help, and I really do appreciate it. It is important to have confidence. But I hated the thought that people were so quick to equate confidence with self-worth, and interpret my lack thereof as low self-worth on my part. So I wasn't the most outspoken person around, did that mean something was wrong with me?

We all know those people who light up a room when they walk in. Their light burns brightly and grabs the attention of everyone they meet. They are outgoing, driven, charismatic, and radiate confidence. These are the people we often hold as the standard of what a person should be. Why shouldn't we? After all, it is them who seem to be the most successful in life. Everyone else resides in their shadows, their lights burning just as diligently, but casting only a dim candle glow. We tend to look down on these people. We might even call them the pitiful ones. Why don't they ever leave the shadows? Do they not know how to love themselves?

But we forget that sometimes it's hard to love yourself! It's hard to wake up every day in this world where we're constantly judged for everything from our appearances to our opinions. It's hard having all of these different outlets yelling their commands at you all at once. Be pretty, because appearances are the first thing anyone will notice about you. But don't focus too much on being pretty, that makes you shallow. You need to be interesting too, and talented, and nice, but not too nice, because then people will walk all over you. You need to be smart, but don't be a know-it-all. Be humble, because people don't like know-it-all's. Basically, you have to be able to do it all and look good doing it. We can't always help comparing ourselves to others, even though we know it's wrong. That's just human nature. When you are given such a narrow definition of what is acceptable and see people who seem to fit this standard, of course you wonder what they could be doing that you aren't, or what qualities they possess that you do not. It's a rough world to grow up in, yet we are expected to just turn a blind eye to it all.

To act like we don't care and like we have no insecurities. To just ignore the messages sent to us by the media, by our peers, and by our own stubborn minds and instead put on a smile for the rest of the world. It's like standing in the middle of a storm with your dim little candle, trying hard to shield it from the rain, but all the while having the world yelling at you to brighten up your light. Sure it's raining, but that's no excuse. Your candle needs to burn brighter if you ever want to get anywhere. For a long time, that's what the advice to "just be confident" felt like for me. Like I was being asked to somehow push aside all these traits my peers had deemed unfavorable and thrive despite it all, and nobody could seem to see how difficult that was but me.

"Fake it 'til you make it." But not all of us are actors. Not all of us can just swallow down our problems and put out a facade of a perfect person. It is easy to tell someone to "have some confidence!". But I think it's about time we start showing people that they have a reason to be confident; that their individual traits and talents are worth having confidence in. I think it's time we start working to boost people's self-worth instead of condemning them as being unmotivated and lacking self-respect. Our society needs to start showing people all that they are capable of by encouraging them to grow. I will never discredit how important it is to have confidence in yourself, but not all of us are born with it as a natural instinct. Everybody has to start somewhere, and I think that as a society we need to start recognizing this. So often, young people get discouraged when they do not fit the mold of a perfect person they learn about growing up. They come to see all of the great qualities they have as subpar just because they aren't grabbing attention or changing the world with them. Remember that a fire never begins as a full-fledged fire. It starts with a single spark and grows by adding kindling. Similarly, we need to nurture the talents and good qualities of our young people and encourage them to grow into the best versions of themselves-not of another person, but of themselves.

What I wish I knew when I was younger is that confidence can be quiet. It doesn't have to mean you are the first one to speak up in a crowded room or the one who is never afraid to try something new. Sometimes confidence is simply staying true to a belief or idea even when others don't approve. Sometimes it is having the courage to pick yourself up and try again after failing. And I wish people would realize you cannot always compare confidence to self-worth. Y

es, I have insecurities. Yes, they sometimes get the best of me and prevent me from doing everything I want to do. But this doesn't mean I think lowly of myself. I am simply cautious in the name of protecting myself. I know there are times when I need to be more confident, and I am working on getting there every day, but it is comforting to think of it as a journey where every little step can be celebrated. If there was one thing I could say to anybody struggling with being confident in themselves, it would be this: I am proud of you for trying. I am proud of you for finding it in you to get up and face the world every day, even though there is so much trying to drag you down. I want you to know that the greatest form of self love is believing in yourself, even if you do not yet have the courage to fully put that self out there. Everybody puts a little bit of light in this world, and you don't have to have the brightest light to be worthwhile. You just need to hold on to your little candle, and try your best to protect it. For no matter how dim you may think it is, it has the potential to glow brighter than you could ever imagine.