Don’t let the title fool you; I’m not actually that hard to impress. I went through all of high school with an anti-social, prudish reputation for reasons I was told later that no one could figure out. Well, I’m here to tell you now: it’s not me, it’s you. If you’re finding yourself unable to impress a girl but can’t figure out why, worry not. I’m here to give you some tips.
Don’t pretend you’re sensitive. This is perhaps the most important thing I could tell you. Firstly, it’s insulting that you’ve only just met me, but you’re assuming I am just like every stereotypical girl you see in the movies and want you to cry all the time. I know you don’t actually consider "A Walk to Remember" your favorite movie—to be honest, I’ve never even seen it, so please stop while you’re ahead (or at least not in last place).
Don’t hug or touch me at inappropriate times, and especially don’t ask. When we’re in a car with a group of people and you ask, “Can I have a hug?” the second we arrive at our destination, I promise you I will say no and cringe for eternity because several people had to witness that exchange.
Don’t tell me you like something unlikely or unexpected just because you know I do. I can appreciate trying to find things in common, but I can name four guys off the top of my head who’ve told me they like One Direction, and all I could think was, “You will never compare to Harry Styles.” I would rather you accept that and be a little salty about it than act like you would also choose him over me.
Don’t text me late at night just to start the most boring conversation of my life. If I see “hey whats up” one more time, I will call you just to scream bloody murder for 30 seconds before hanging up. And when I stop replying, that doesn’t mean text me the same exact thing 20 minutes later. I received it, I read it, and I didn’t forget about it. I just don’t know how to reply to “yeah lol.”
Don’t give me empty compliments. My roommate met a guy last year and he told her she had beautiful eyes. Thank God she closed them and said, “Oh yeah, what color are they?” because he answered “brown,” “green,” and “hazel” before she opened them and he saw blue. (Side note: we always tell our friends these kinds of things so we can collectively sigh at your behavior. If you’re really unlucky, one of them will mention it in an article for the entire world to see.)
Don’t yell obscenities at me from your car while I’m crossing the street. What do you expect to accomplish? Because the only thing I can think of is to be an a**.
Don’t message me on Facebook saying “gotta give me that number.” Excuse me? I don’t “gotta” give you anything. Bye.
Speaking of, don’t tell me I “should” do something. I know you’re just trying to be cheeky, but all it does is piss me off. I genuinely met a guy at a college info fair once who told me I should go to a certain school because that’s where he was going. I’m not going to choose where I get my education for the next four-plus years and possibly where I decide to permanently reside because some guy I just met told me I should!!!
Not to say every guy is the same. If you’re actually sensitive, great! If you truly like One Direction, that’s awesome! But most girls can tell when you’re faking it, and it has the exact opposite effect than what you were intending. In fact, years of it has brought me to where I am now: angrily writing a ranty article because I am halfway through college and still experience it on a daily basis. I regret to inform you that I have only mentioned true scenarios thus far, and that’s disappointing.
And to the guys who will defend this behavior and insult my attitude: I hate that you made me angry and ranty--I’m usually quite nice. But can you blame me? My advice to you: be yourself, or find someone who can’t tell the difference.
