Fourth grade was a good year. It was the year that everyone in the classroom received some sort of superlative award. As they were handed out I waited impatiently until I mine name was called...al the while wondering what superlative I would get. They were all pretty generic: best smile, best penmanship, most contagious laugh,etc. Finally my name was called. Before handing the award to me, the teacher explained to me that she appreciated how I always took the initiative to go one step further than what she asked for, how I always manage to surprise her with what I could accomplish. Beaming proudly I accepted my certificate: "Reach for the Stars".

I think back to that day every now and then. Things have changed a lot since then. From a young age I had always been pressured to succeed, to go above and beyond, to become someone worth bragging about. In fourth grade, that was an easy task to do. Just being present guaranteed passing, putting in a little more than minimal effort easily got me an A. Since I was already ahead of the curriculum the effort was definitely minimal.

As the years go on, the people around me started catching up to my level and surpassing me. I couldn't depend on my prior knowledge to pull me through the curriculum anymore. I had to take notes, study, and, worse of all, ask questions. The laid back style of learning that I was used to had to be exchanged for a vigorous amount of hard work that I wasn't willing to do. I didn't know how to take notes, I was used to zoning out because I already knew the material. I didn't know how to study because the most I'd do was flip through the pages. I wasn't used to asking questions because I thought I knew all the answer. With this mindset, I somehow made it through middle school entered high school.

Now I'm finishing up my first year of college. I am nowhere near the overachiever that I once was. I know that there are numerous other people that have gone through the same experience. We never even had a real goal, we just wanted to be the best. Our ambitions were taken advantage of. We were told that we can't settle for what we have now, that we must always strive to be better. Because of this we tell ourselves that we aren't good enough. This mentality later lead to deep insecurities and crippling anxiety. If we weren't the best that can only mean we're the worst.

There are a lot of things I've learned along the way. I should never have put my happiness on the line when trying to set ambitious goals. I should have cared more about my mental health. I didn't believe in mental health, I thought they were just excuses for weak people to use. I now know what enables people to not eat for days and how it feels to be completely devoid of motivation. I learned to stop blaming myself or others for my failures. I accepted that I should stop comparing myself to when I was younger. Life gets more complicated when we grow older; relationships no longer mean chasing each other on the playground, we no longer believe that credit cards are an endless source of money, and parents can no longer shield their children from the harsh expectations that are demanded from society.

The important thing is to find people who support you as well as learning to support yourself. They will give you the encouragement to go further and will be proud of you no matter what. In addition, learn to forgive yourself. Often times, the person who is most criticizing of your actions is you. Lastly work hard but remember to set time aside for enjoyment. Your mental health is important, your thoughts can determine your identity. There will always be people along the way that try to undermine your achievements and it's not easy to ignore them. A, B, C's are just letters they shouldn't affect your happiness or who you are. As long as you can become someone who's happy with what they are doing then the critics will get over it. You'll get over it.