Anyone that has met me knows that I’m outgoing. I love meeting new people and I rarely hesitate to speak my mind. When prompted, I would generally say that I am an extroverted person. However, my relationships with others, especially in social settings, are so much more complicated than the bubbly and outspoken person that meets the eye. The technical term for someone that balances the identities of both an introvert and an extrovert is called an ambivert, and this is the definition I mostly identify with.
While I love going to parties and meeting new friends, sometimes the most exhausting thing in my life is other people. It varies from day to day: sometimes, I can have an amazing conversation with anyone, while on other days, making small talk can feel physically painful. It takes a while for me to feel completely comfortable in groups of people.
As someone who experienced intense bullying in high school, social interactions can be intimidating, even though I usually love to put myself in them. It takes a lot for me to trust people, and often that manifests itself into overcompensating our relationship or completely removing myself from conversations. It’s not uncommon that my anxiety gets the better of me, and I’m projecting the negative thoughts I assume others must be thinking onto those around me.
However, when I do break that trust barrier, I often give everything I have. I am a fiercely loyal person, and I am extremely close to those I love. For me, there is rarely any sort of middle ground. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who can go through a day without intensity, but it simply isn’t who I am. I feel so strongly about things, and that’s why social interactions are sometimes so crippling. It’s impossible for me to be in a situation without analyzing every detail. I can easily be my own worst enemy, while at the same time a person with so much love for myself and others.
While this all may seem so complicated, and sometimes it is, it simply is who I am. I’m not always the outgoing and energetic people assume me to be, while most of the time I am. While I still may describe myself as an extrovert, there is so much more to my internal self that contributes to my life, especially regarding others.
