People often say to me, "Isiah, how is it you get so many dates?" The only response I can manage to give is, "I just do boo!" OK, nobody actually asks me that. Nor do I go on that many dates (if you're reading this and interested I am available), but that doesn't mean I haven't gone on dates and don't know how to be a love master! So sit back, relax and allow my soft, sultry GIFs enlighten you to not being a single loser like me.

1. Find your ideal mating partner.

Time to get those eyes rolling because the first step to any kind of relationship is staring someone down like a deranged killer

2. Crab walk to your mating partner.

You don't want to be single right? So do as I say without question! This will show your mate that you know how to get down low (if you know want I mean).

3. Once reached, begin staring at them without speaking.

Give them time to bask in your beauty.

4. Now dance like this.

Hope you got your cardio in. You can't date anyone until you prove you have dance skills to rival Beyoncé. Which is actually impossible, but you should at least try.

5. Ask them out.

Easy as one, two, three, crab walk.

6. If they say, "No," then try not to panic.

Take a chill pill because everyone gets rejected, even me.

(Weeps uncontrollably.)

7. Don't choke them out.

Isiah Cocroft does not condone the use of physical violence.

8. If they say, "Yes," then rejoice!

Congratulations!

9. Now, uh, commence sucking face?

I obviously know what I'm doing.

10. Again, suck face?

This isn't actually part of the list, I just really hate heteronormativity and straight people in general.

11. Begin the sex.

Doesn't matter if you're in the grocery store.

12. Realize you know nothing about dating and end the article.

I can totally do this by the way.

13. Or do I?

There's only one way to find out.