I value when those around me are open and honest, so I write this to you portraying the same.

Every since I can remember I have always had an inner battle with myself vs. the mirror. The first time I can remember being conscientious of my image was in third grade. I used to prefer pants that were higher waisted to cover my “fat rolls” (Yes – an 8-year-old worried about fat rolls, what a world we live in). A classmate of mine noticed how my pants didn’t sit at my hips and announced it to the entire class that I was too fat to wear normal clothing.

Now mind you, I was nowhere near being overweight, and yet I allowed one student (who likely was saying that because she herself was insecure) to dictate how I should feel about myself. Thus, my fight against my self-image begun.

We all know comparison is the thief of joy, but for so many years I freely allowed this thief into my home, invited. I allowed it to tell me what clothes I should wear or whether or not I should go swimming with my friends because I didn’t want to look worse in a bathing suit than them. This thief has told me to not look into the mirror because there’s no way I’ll see what I want to see, and in fact I’ll see everything I don’t.

I have compared myself to others my entire life, and the extent to which I do so varies as I age. However, recently this thief has once again knocked on my door. It has been three years since I’ve stepped on a scale. Three years. I felt that maybe if I just didn’t know how much I weighed this enemy of comparison and the looming struggle of self-image and self-acceptance would just disappear. However, my mistake was assuming the scale equated to my happiness.

So yes, stepping on the scale allowed the thief of joy to ask to enter back into my home, and yes stepping on the scale caused many, many tears. However, stepping on the scale also put a lot of things in perspective.

I asked myself, "what changed from yesterday when I had no idea how much I weighed to today when I do?" Not one thing. My value yesterday and my value today have not changed, and in the eyes of God, my value has never ever changed from the moment I was conceived into this world. What changed is who I was listening to to tell me my worth.

I had two choices, I could look at the scale and think of how ugly I am, and how no one will ever take my seriously because I’m not skinny or tall enough. I could wallow in sweatshirts and baggy pants for the rest of my life, and never look in a mirror again.

Or, I could look at the scale and realize that number doesn’t even make me over-weight. I could notice how glad I am that I live a life where I don’t worry where my next meal comes from. I could choose to begin to eat better, and work out more so that I am healthy, not so that I am beautiful.

Today, I chose the latter. I am choosing confidence because Christ has given me a spirit of Joy and given me a unique purpose to my life. I’m choosing happiness because a smile looks much better on my face than a frown. I am choosing to not base my self worth upon a number, or on what society tells me I should look like.

I am basing my self-worth off of Psalm 139:14; I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God and not in the image of man.

And to be honest? Eating better and working out has made me feel great, and I feel even better that i'm not doing it for anyone else besides myself.