Well, here we are. It’s finals week, which means I will spend majority of my nights studying for my exams rather than sleeping. The week where I should be focusing on everything I’ve learned this past semester, but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to stay focused for a long period of time. There are other things on my mind.

On the Sunday night that started my long hours of math problems, criminal justice notes, English papers, etc., I found myself needing a break. Because, duh, that’s just kind of what you do. So, I walk into the bathroom and the first thing I think is “I don’t even want to look in the mirror.” I kept my eyes straight ahead the whole time I was walking. I didn’t even want to catch a glimpse of myself.

I got finished using the restroom, and when I went to wash my hands, I literally stood on the side of the sink so I wouldn’t have to look in the mirror. I do this often. I did happen to peek at my face to take a look at the dark circles that rest under my eyes. For some reason this particular time, I noticed it. And it bothered me for the rest of the night.

I try to be a confident person. I try to love myself no matter what, but sometimes it feels like I just can’t bring myself to it.. Especially lately. I’ve been avoiding mirrors. I don’t take selfie after selfie because when I do, I just become more disappointed. I’ve been comparing myself to others.

Boy, when I tell you that comparison is the thief of joy, it really does steal your happiness. And I can’t sit here and preach that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others because I find myself doing it literally all the time. I find myself wishing I could be more like her. Wishing I was as pretty as her, wishing I was as smart as her, this and that.

No matter how many people tell me I am this, or I am that, I still can’t shake the feelings insecurity at times. And I know that other people go through the same things too. I know that I’m not the only human in this world that goes through rough patches with self-image. Or rough-patches with anything, really. It gets draining.

I know that I’ll get through this just like I’ve gotten through anything else. And I know you will, too. If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Everyone’s goal is to love themselves. No one is perfect.. Some people are just better at making it seem like they are. Which is where our self-doubt comes in.

I hope I’m able to look in mirrors again. I hope I’m able to scroll through instagram without feeling bad. I hope I can take my selfies and feel on top of the world. But until then, all I can do is remember I am who I am, and there’s nothing that I can do to change that. I’m still learning to love myself.