Many people have the natural reaction to respond with anger when they are displeased, irritated, insulted, feeling misunderstood, being treated poorly, and experiencing physical and/or emotional pain. While anger is a natural part of life, effectively managing anger is an important quality to learn.

Here is a guide of how people communicate when angry and which are the best methods.

1. Yell in the person’s face trying to explain why you’re right

This is the most common method that people resort to when they’re angry. Someone said something you disagree with, they said something rude or verbally attacked you. Ultimately, you were insulted and felt the need to protect yourself, so you argue back because you’re too proud to back down. You just can’t have someone insult you and get away with it. You experience the ‘fight’ of the ‘fight-or-flight response’.

But why is responding this way bad? Not only is it extremely rude, but when you let anger control you, you will not be able to have a constructive dialogue. How many times have you argued with someone and weren’t able to make a point, leading you both to not being able to remember why you were arguing in the first place? Many times, this is why arguments lead to fist fights and violence, because the verbal altercation isn’t resolving itself.

Read on to my next two points to try avoiding an assault charge.

2. Remain calm while attempting to have an adult conversation

This is a very hard concept to bring to life because many people can’t control their temper, and even if you can, the person you’re arguing with can’t. You’ll notice both of you beginning to sling insults and not conversing about anything constructive.

Don’t raise your voice or yell. Remaining calm is important because if you have a non-threatening demeanor, the argument is likely to deescalate. This is in hopes that the other person will calm down as well, leaving your argument senseless to continue.

Many conversations, when both parties are angry, turn violent fast. One way to try to deter that is to fire back with words. Many times, I believe that words hurt more than violence. When you use your words as a weapon, as opposed to your fist or blunt object as a weapon, you have to think intelligently. You can’t use the juvenile saying, “I know you are, but what am I?” Your aggressor will laugh in your face. And you can’t get upset or angry, even though this is highly difficult, because when our emotions take over, we can’t think properly. You have to remain calm and fire back. Quickly. Diligently. Aggressively. While attempting to refrain from “low blows”, including but not limited to: insults about family, marriage, children, death, illegal activity (any serious matters), because then you will just be looked at as rude since your comment was uncalled for.

Important: Slinging insults should be one of your last resorts, aside from resorting to violence, which is the absolute last resort.

3. Don’t. Don’t communicate at all.

You shouldn’t talk when angry. You will say things you don’t mean or you will hurt someone you care about. Let’s be real, if you didn’t care about this person or the conversation, you wouldn’t care to argue to begin with.

You can remove yourself from the situation, go for a walk and cool down, and resume the conversation later. But resuming the conversation later is key. Don’t shrug it off later once you’re calm. Nothing will be resolved if you never address your problems and find solutions to them. This is your opportunity to apologize, explain your point of view, clarify why you’re angry and listen. Don’t bring up the past or the future and try and focus on the situation at hand, without getting side tracked or distracted. Try not to interrupt the other person in efforts of letting them talk, or speak their case. If you aren’t understanding the other person’s explanation of why they were (or still are) angry, ask questions for clarification. You’ll never learn what you can do to help the situation if you don’t understand it.

Pick your battles wisely. There is always a possibility that the person you’re arguing with will never talk to you again for the disrespect and anger you show towards them.

Don’t expect the other person to change if you aren’t willing to change yourself. You need to walk away from the situation realizing that you both were in the wrong, and understand what you can do to change the issue you were arguing about, or change the way you think about it.

Don’t forget, if you’re arguing in attempts to get someone to change their point of view or belief system, you’re arguing for the wrong reasons. You can hold a conversation explaining your beliefs and how they are important to you without expecting someone to change theirs. In my opinion, respect is crucial in dialogue, and sometimes you need to respect someone enough by agreeing to disagree.

Sometimes it’s better to be the bigger person and walk away. And it is always a good decision to be the bigger person and walk away when it gets physical. Think, would you want to be in prison for throwing hands at this person? If not, then try to control your anger and move on from a possibly very bad situation.

If you are a victim of violence or worried that you soon will be, try and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, and if you need to, call 911. You can visit the website for The National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org/ or call one of their trained professionals at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You can reach Crisis Text Line by texting “Hello” to 741-741 to receive a response from a trained crisis counselor within minutes (free, anonymous and 24/7).