Fatin* and I have never met in person, but we have shared years of correspondence via Facebook. She was a fan of "So You Think You Can Dance", and we connected after my time on the show back in 2008. Though it ebbs and flows due to our ever-changing lives, our friendship has remained ever since. We have been granted such beautiful gifts through technology; I am so thankful to have a friend that has taught me so much and brought many glimmers of hope throughout the years– I think often without realizing. When, for one of my courses, I was asked to interview someone whose life is much different from my own, I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity to learn a bit more about this lovely woman. Here's to you, my dear friend so far away!
Fatin was born on May 25, 1990, as the first of five children in her family. She was born to two primary school teachers creating a family in Malaysia. She attended early education at the school in the village area where her mother taught, about a 30-minute drive from the suburban area in which they lived. She was considered “privileged middle class” to her fellow classmates based on where her family lived and how her parents made a living. Fatin now makes her own living in a similar way, as an English teacher at a college in Malaysia. She has a wonderful fervor for life and the world around her, and holds a deeply set passion for people, learning, and travel. Though Fatin and I are only about six months apart in age, our lives have been composed by amazingly different experiences in the world.
The most prominent topic that Fatin remained connected to throughout the interview was her faith. She is a practicing Muslim, and continually expressed the importance of recognizing the many sects and divisions of the Islamic community. There are orthodox and conservative Muslims on one side, and secular and liberal Muslims on the other. She explained that these sides are in constant disagreement with each other and many people, like herself, lie somewhere in the middle. She believes in the idea of God, prays five times every day, observes fasting during the month of Ramadan, covers her hair, and objects to pre-marital sex. She is saddened by the groups of religious extremists committing violent crimes in the name of the religion that has taught her nothing but love and compassion. She finds freedom within her practice to be open towards other cultures, religions, and opinions– “As long as they do not violate these values: love, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness.”
Fatin seems to have found her version of the Muslim faith through her travels and exposure to the ways in which Islam is practiced in the secular world. She had international friends in her early years of University, and began traveling and studying abroad as she progressed. She walked me through some unfortunate experiences, such as the time a Scottish man said she should remove her hijab so she could ‘be more beautiful’ and told her she didn’t need to wear it anymore because she was in Europe. Moments like these seem to have deepened her faith by instilling in her a sense of pride; her hijab represents her identity, courage, and feminine beauty. She refers to herself as in independent woman– a Muslim woman with a multicultural personality.
Higher education appears to have played a very large role in Fatin developing into the awesome woman she is today. When asked who had been her biggest influence, she explained how her undergraduate professors supported and encouraged her when she initially felt shy and unsure of herself. She described one of her professors in particular, Dr. Fadzilah Din. She had been considered secular in her view of Islam, but Fatin was drawn to her bold personality and free thinking, so she signed up for the class. Fatin realized that Dr. Din was simply encouraging students to see Islam from different perspectives, and move away from the narrow-mindedness that can occur from practicing traditional religion without looking outside of oneself. Fatin, to this day, feels like this was a groundbreaking moment for her and one of the most important lessons she has learned in her life.
Despite the grand differences in our cultures and practices, we discovered much more common ground than not. We both love this world and the people in it, and want to understand and connect with those who are different from us. We both love to cook and think English tea with milk (but without sugar) is delicious. We love iced lattes. We both love music and singing, though sometimes we are singing in different languages. We both wish we spoke more languages! We have felt pressured to be people we are not, and feel the same feelings of insecurity, awkwardness, aspiration, and achievement. We both value our respective faiths, and feel freed by them, rather than restricted. Perhaps most importantly, we both consider ourselves independent women who value love, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness.
*Full name omitted for the purpose of privacy.
