When you live in the United States as a descendent of someone from the subcontinent (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka) you see things that other people probably don't. Our cultures are conservative in their own ways. As in, they are resistant to change, but not integration. Forget assimilation, though. What fun is a world in which everyone looks and acts in the same way? The conservativeness exposes second-generation decedents to a helping of two different worlds. The inside of our heads hold a universe that few others can really understand, so we take it all in and make what we can of it.

Handling questions is a fun of its own. It's great that people are so curious, but it's not so much when they're condescending.

"So, are you getting an arranged marriage?"

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Do you see a crystal ball in front of me? For many of us, it just depends on how things pan out. I don't mind answering this question when my friends are curious. Then there are the people who have other assumptions. When they ask this question I can't help but feel like they're actually asking me, "So you want to be forced into something you hate? So you want to be traded for a goat?"

This is the 21st century and we don't live in the east. People don't get married for goat dowries, they get married for business deals, diamond rings, and sometimes even love. Even things that are less useful than goats are up for grabs.

It is true that a lot of second generation children do opt for a good old-fashioned arranged marriage because it works out for them. Just because its arranged, it doesn't mean that it's not consensual. I always hear that divorce rates are significantly lower for arranged marriages, too.

"What are you eating?" or "Can you eat that?"

Again, I don't mind answering these questions. I'll even share my food! However, when you scrunch your nose at the brilliantly grilled kabob that you'll never get to try, I just feel bad for you.

Meanwhile, I am happy that the people around me are considerate of my diet. The subcontinent is diverse, so some of us can have meat and some of us can't. Some of us can only eat certain kinds of meat and the types of meat that we especially avoid are also different. I appreciate people double-checking, instead of saying "just eat it!"

However, when people ask condescendingly, "Can you even eat that? Why is everything against your religion?" I have to work a little harder to laugh it off and answer the questions without being insensitive towards people who are so ruthlessly insensitive to me. (I'm not sure why I bother, I have nothing to prove. People really have asked these questions just to be jerks.) Yes, I can eat that, but not the thing next to it. I hope that's OK with you, since my diet affects you so severely. Actually, plenty of things are permitted in our faiths, we just happened to be surrounded by the few things that we can't have, so it seems like a lot of things are prohibited when, in fact, only some are.

The Initial Fun

The joy isn't limited to finding a way to answer people's questions (we actually learn a lot about ourselves in the process), just hearing the questions amuses us. A deeper understanding of the world develops in our minds and we see things that we eventually realize that other people will never be able to understand. It's amusing, but sometimes it's sad.

It's not fun eating your lunch while keeping it half covered. Pretending that you don't love Bollywood because you don't want your classmates to say "durk-a-durk" to you is living a lie. Knowing that the job market is more challenging for you because people don't like the way that you dress can kill you a little inside. You'll never understand the need to put skin lightening cream on your face (even knowing that its harmful) until people compare you to your white counterparts. You just won't get it.

Then You Embrace It (The Real Fun)

There comes a point when we throw out the "Fair and Lovely" and deck out with our tikkas (traditional head chains) and flex our complexion. Let's face it, F2 generation: you're kidding yourself if the sound of bhangra music doesn't brighten your mood and make you want to dance. You love the access to all of the henna that you can decorate your soul with and don't even hold back on the chutney because life is flavorless without it (food = life). Dancing in the rain is cute and cliche, but dancing under the warm and darkening sun will definitely bring color back to your season. (Please wear sunscreen. It's for health reasons.) Pick all of the headscarves with all the flowers and all of the turbans with all of the colors. They are for you. Remember your sacrifices. Find the bindi that makes you smile for the devotion and strength that you hold in your heart. The only border that's really between us here is the paisley on your sari edge, so wrap it more delicately then you would a samosa. Finally, don't let anyone copy your anarkali because you worked harder to get into that churidaar than you did to get into your skinny jeans.

You know that you look like royalty every time.

Laugh at the ignorance, smile at the curiosity, and take the blessings of two worlds into your life.