A Letter To Myself: Relationships Are Full-Time Employment, Are You Up For the Job?

You never thought you would make it this far. For once, he's the emotionally available one. He's baring his heart to you, arms outstretched, ready for all of you. Now he's asking you, are you ready for all of him? Well.. are you? You ask yourself, is anyone ever really ready for these things to happen? You're scratching your head wondering how you found yourself in this position in the first place.

You don't get to run away and hide like you always do. Non-confrontational- you are having a run for your money. You have to be on your A-game, know what you want and communicate that with the other person. You can't ignore them and cocoon the way you feel so happy to do; when you have one of those off weeks that you just don't feel like talking.

You need to know what you want to do in your day before they ask you if you have plans, because it is too easy to let the other person become your greatest distraction. Time management is key or they are really going to take up all of you. All of your time is suddenly up for grabs if you aren't careful. You're afraid of losing "you", as you begin to intertwine with the other person. Do you remember who you are? Don't start suffocating now.

You have to be careful what you say and how you say it. No more eyeing and entertaining men you know you will never end up with anyway, because it's all a game to you and the lack of longevity is what makes it fun. Suddenly, being anything less than your best self is not an option anymore. Relationships put a magnifying glass to all of your incapabilities because all of a sudden your actions impact someone else. All of a sudden, you can't be selfish because life isn't all about you. Did you realize the task of putting someone else above you, before you found yourself in this position?

Love is a choice that you need to make towards this person day in and day out. It's not always going to be fun and games, nor will it be easy. You need to get very comfortable with yourself because now another person is getting to know the ins and outs of you. What a hell on Earth this will be if you don't know yourself yet. They will see you on the worst days that you wish no one could see you. Who are you really, without the safety of your perfectly crafted exterior in which you hide yourself away from everyone? How do you look without makeup on, and will you still believe them when they tell you that they think you're beautiful?

And then you're freaking out because marriage is suddenly not an abstract concept anymore, the concept which is meant for adults. You check your calendar, truly frenzied. All of a sudden you realize that you're practically twenty-two years old, an active member of the adult club, and about to graduate from college. It's not too weird when they ask you about the number of kids you want to have, but the thought of having a human being growing in your belly makes you want to run for the hills. You're far from ready to even fathom the thought. How is he talking about that so easily? Where are the breaks in this getaway car? It seems like you've been on autopilot or fell asleep at the steering wheel, and you just noticed that life is moving way too fast. Cue the existential crisis.

All of this courses through your mind and he's still standing there with his heart open, waiting for you to answer his question. You hold the weight of his heart and expectations in your hands. This is somebody's son. Are you going to take that leap with this boy who stares at you with puppy dog eyes?

Yeah, I guess you're a little scared. So, take a few deep breaths and wake up. Wake up and realize that you've been truly in tune with yourself, and are underestimating your growth. Maybe all of the trials and tribulations you have gone through have led you to this point where it all reaches a head. Maybe it's okay that you're ready for the first step and not the last, just yet. You've never been comfortable with change, but you begin to ponder that, just maybe, the scariest concept of all is letting him pass you by.