Dear Boy,
Let me start off by saying I used the word “boy” because I’m hoping that there is a chance you still have room to grow. I have a hope that maybe I’m just the wrong person for you, or that you just need more time to discover yourself.
You’ve told me why you can’t commit, and I appreciate that you trusted me enough to explain, but I’m not her. I know you are afraid of letting me down. You are afraid it isn’t going to work. You're afraid of the “what ifs,” the future, and the unknown. Believe me when I say I’m not afraid at all. The unknown will continue to be the unknown until you give us a real shot.
At first, I felt the pain of not being enough for you, but this has nothing to do with me. This is your issue. My brain was telling me that this is where I should end it. I’ve ended it so many times it feels ridiculous, but it never stuck. I just keep coming back to you because the only issue I have is your commitment phobia.
You make me laugh, make me feel beautiful, and are such a caring person. The problem is you treat me like your girlfriend, but you are afraid of the word. You are there for me and it almost makes me laugh that the only thing holding us back is fear.
Just because we aren’t official doesn't mean the feelings aren’t real, bro. I still like you a whole lot, and not having a title won’t make me not care about what you do and who you are to me. You are still going to be one of the first people I want to call when something happens in my life, the perfect cuddle buddy for watching my favorite comedian with, and the hand on my back whenever we go out to eat.
I can’t shake these feelings, though. I consider myself a strong woman and I know I should walk away. We don’t want the same thing in the end and we shouldn’t be trying to force each other into a relationship that we don't want. With that said, my heart is winning in the battle between what I feel and what is real.
Dear boy with commitment issues, I would be committed to you in a second if you would just be willing to try with me. I keep coming back to you like a lovesick moth to a flame. I will continue to be here for you, for now. I don’t know what the future holds, but I hope we get the chance to find out together.
Love,
The Girl Who Can’t Let Go
