So, recently it was October 11th, which is also known as National Coming Out Day. It is a day for the LGBTQ+ community to come out of the metaphorical or figurative closet that our heteronormative society tends to put us in. I also consider it a day to think about those who still do not feel safe or are not ready to come out and to be of support to them in any way I possibly can. I decided to make it official after having been out as a definite queer person to myself and those close to me for a couple years.

And what better way to make it official than to make it ~Facebook official~?

I wanted to ensure that if people who were friends with me on the site: like family members I don't really talk to often, or people I graduated from high school with, to people I don't see on a daily basis knew who I was. I decided it was a good time to do so and, to be honest, I was curious to see how people would react.

It wasn't like I hid who I was in what I shared or posted, I would share posts that I identified with that were humorous and upbeat in terms of my identity. I also posted a photo of my partner and myself and made it my profile picture for a while. It wasn't until I learned that someone thought I needed to tone it down that I realized I needed to just be clear:

I am who I am. I am not going to hide that. I am not going to tone down anything because I am not doing anything wrong in what I show about myself.

Which is another reason why I decided that I might as well clear up some things.

I first stated that I was gay, however I did clear that up for some as I have identified as gray asexual in the past (as I still do slightly today) that I still identify as gray asexual - meaning I have little to no motivation/interest towards sex - but that any time I have had sexual attraction that it is definitely towards women. This is one of many reasons why I have preferred to use the term queer because I didn't want to run into anyone who hadn't heard of asexuality and have them give me the "you think you are just a special snowflake with all your labels, don'cha?" spiel. It not only invalidates who I am, it makes me feel like I can't be who I am without being offensive to someone else.

Like, I'm sorry I am a human being with a different perspective of our world?

I then talked about being in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful woman. Just in case anyone did not already realize this as I always tag her in posts openly on Facebook. However, I wanted to make sure that no one thought "oh, they are just gal pals."

Right...not that there is anything wrong with being physically comfortable with your platonic friends. It just gets mildly annoying to feel the need to validate that we are partners in a relationship a level above that.

I then came around to one of the bigger pieces in my closet to show: my partner and I are in a polyamorous relationship. This means that she and I are in a committed and loving relationship, but we also consent to having more than one of those relationships at the same time, granted that we communicate so to each other. Now, she is happily fulfilled with me and three other partners. We all communicate together and get along in a great way. We are not all dating one another, and we are not having orgies (again, I have no interest in sex and just adding people does not do anything to increase that interest), nor am I wanting to romantically involve myself within the group with anyone other than my current partner.

Sure this can make things difficult when it comes to scheduling, but that can be the way with a monogamous relationship as well. I haven't found anyone else I have wanted to date, but I am open to the idea of it. As of right now, I am happy and I feel fantastically overwhelmed in my relationship and being good friends with her partners.

Lastly, I addressed the topic of my gender expression. I consider myself to be genderfluid. which means I consider to have both masculine and feminine traits to express, and I delve into either one or even both at the same time depending on the day. I opened up about how I used the term genderfluid to come to terms with my body image issues of being viewed only for my femininity. I always felt I had masculine tones that were to be celebrated just as much, and I began to escape into that side of myself to help combat the issues I had with my body. However, I would have days where I wanted to wear dresses and cute makeup and do other things that were considered effeminate, but I would try and crush those down because I felt that I had to choose one or the other and I liked more of the masculine side of things.

Thanks to Ruby Rose, I have a term and philosophy to enable both of those sides in me without the guilt and without the massive confusion in my identity. Thanks to her visibility and her strongly androgynous style that could shift at the turn of a dime, I found someone to look to and think, "Yes, that is what I want for myself. To be comfortable in my own body as well as have a style that would express who I am."

While I have considered top surgery in the past, and still am considering at least a breast reduction today, I have been able to become more comfortable with the body I have with regard to what I wear to either hide or express my body. I still have a slight dysphoria (or essentially feeling like I am in the wrong body compared to my emotional and psychological behavior) when I feel like I cannot present my physical body the way I truly want to. It has decreased lately after identifying as genderfluid, but it still crops up every now and again.

The one thing I did not expect my post to do is end up on the receiving end of immensely positive feedback. I had high school teachers congratulating me on finding out who I am and that they may not have known then, but they always knew I was a good person, even if I didn't really fit with the status quo. I had family members, blood- and non-blood-related congratulating me on being who I am shamelessly.

It was amazing. And while some people may look at what I did and say, "Oh, you only did that for the attention." I can say that yes, that was kind of the point. I wanted to bring to attention who I am to people. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. I wanted to use a social network to express that I have figured out who I am and that I am happy with who I am.

And so I did.