This is my coming out article. I'm coming out as depressed.

I've probably had it my entire life, in fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm sure I've had it my entire life.

However, I don't think I've had major problems with it until college and life got much more real. I wasn't actually "diagnosed" with it until a year and a half ago.

Even then, I kind of kept it to myself. If you asked, I would tell you about it and about how it has effected my life; but I never really wanted it public before.

This past week things changed.

The thing about depression is: it never goes away. So I'd been having a good time since July. Everything was going good and I was happy. I got a boyfriend that was amazing and things got even happier.

But when things crashed, I crashed and the depression came back full blast.

I'm writing this for everybody with depression or that are just curious about depression.

I like to think about depression like a pet on a leash. Most days, for me, it's just like dragging around a centipede; it takes no work. But other day it can be like trying to drag around Big Foot.

I know I should stop crying, get out of bed,and try to be happy; but I literally just can't.

And now it's the time for the true confession:

I have cut myself off and on since middle school. I finally healed myself when I went on medication and even got a tattoo to prove to myself that I can love myself (see the picture below. My version of the semi colon project).

I lost that this week. Twice. And it was the hardest thing I ever did.

Why?

Because I knew I shouldn't. I was literally telling myself "No. Don't do it." as I put the razor to my arm, but the depression took over and I did it anyway.

I want you to know that you didn't loose everything because you took a few steps back; honestly you probably didn't know better. It's an every day battle.

But as these cuts are healing, I'm reminded that I am healing with them. I lost it for a few minutes, but I'm back and stronger than ever. I'm seeking more help and being more open with my friends.

Depression is a scary thing. Perhaps the scariest thing some people will ever face; but it doesn't need to be a lonely thing.

If you take anything from this, take this: you are not alone. Talk to me. I've been through it and I am here. In fact, here's my e-mail: kaitlyn.williams.9513@gmail.com

Please. E-mail me if you need to.