Last week was Bisexual Awareness Week and on September 23rd, it was Bisexual Visibility Day. It also just so happens to be about two weeks before my 1 year anniversary of coming out on October 5th, 2015.
Being bisexual is defined by HRC as, "a person emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to more than one sex, gender or gender identity though not necessarily simultaneously, in the same way, or to the same degree."
A lot has changed, but then again, nothing has. I’m still the same guy. I still haven’t figured out what I want to do with my life. I still like guys and girls. But the biggest change, I’ve learned to love myself.
I’ve grown to love what I once considered a flaw. It took me years to admit it to myself and years more to admit it publicly. Coming to terms with being bisexual is tough, especially in our heteronormative society that says, “bi guys don't exist,” or, “bi guys are secretly gay.”
Or the classic, “it's a stepping stone before becoming gay.” That's gotta be my favorite.
While it might be true in some cases, not all bisexual guys are 'actually' gay. Some other things I learned during the past year are, as great as the LGBTQ community might be, is there’s still a lot of biphobia within the community. I personally haven’t experienced the biphobia, but I have experienced both homophobia and straight privilege. We’re told we’re greedy and that we’re more likely to cheat, or that we’re always down for threesomes. All lies.
I mean yes, some bisexuals like threesomes, but being bisexual doesn't automatically make you a candidate for cheating. Anyone can cheat. It's not something that’s exclusively bisexual.
The fact that our society is so heteronormative is what made me stay in the cabinet for as long as I did. Like I mentioned, they tend to ignore the fact that bi people do in fact exist. They have some issues if you’re gay, but god forbid you like men and women. ~Gasp~
Heck, I didn’t even really know there was such as thing as bisexuality until probably mid-late middle school, which is around the time I realized I was bi. That was about eight years before actually coming out. I'd honestly probably still be in the closet if it wasn’t for the LGBTQ Center at my more recent college. It took years for me to even admit to myself I was. Middle school and high school were honestly the worst years of my life.
You think trying to figure out what to do with your life is hard? Try trying to figure out if you're queer or not at the age of 12. When the only resource is a shared family computer. You have no access to finding out that your not weird, that in fact, contrary to belief you are 100% normal. Some people just know others question their sexuality for years. For starters, I always wondered how I knew
If you’re bisexual (or LGBTQ identified) and struggling just know that it does get better, there are many resources for you.
A personal favorite of mine is Human Rights Campaign which has a great online pamphlet for those of you who are ready to come out. And if you want a bi-centered group Id recommend BiNet USA.
Another GREAT resource is The Trevor Project which has not only a 24/7 helpline but also an online instant messaging and text service available at various times throughout the week.
Always remember that someone does care.
