I Am Not Comfortable In My Own Skin

Stop telling me to be happy in my own skin. You're the reason I am not.

You come around every day saying you feel fat. Well if you're fat, what am I? You put photos in magazines of people who are plus-sized models. Well if they're plus-sized, what am I? No I'm not going to be comfortable in my skin, because you're saying people half my size are plus-sized and fat.

You make clothes for plus-sized people. Ever notice plus-sized bathing suits cover more skin than "normal" sized ones? Ever notice that plus-sized clothes covers more skin and always has sleeves? You're telling me that being big means I need to cover my body. So, no, I am not comfortable showing more.

You've said I'm pretty but it's a shame I'm fat. You've said I would be beautiful without the weight. Why did we make the words "fat" and "overweight" synonymous with "ugly." This is why I am not comfortable in my skin. This is why I hide my body.

You told me that I shouldn't be wearing shorts in high school because my legs were too big. I didn't wear shorts even if it was 90 degrees. I was never looked at by boys, not a single one. I was told I'd be so much better at my sport even though I was going to be a Division I athlete. This is why I am not comfortable in my own skin.

You told me that I have an awesome personality. You told me that if I had anyone else's body you'd find me attractive. You tell me it's what's on the inside that matters then you judge me by my cover. So I hide my cover so it can't be judged. I wish I had chances to show my contents before being judged.

I live a lot of my life worrying about my appearance and what others think of me because that's what you have told me to do. You have told me that the outside is everything. I have spent numerous dollars trying to lose weight and worry about it constantly. You have told me to worry about it, to think about it, so it is always on my mind.

I will hopefully one day love myself but it will have to be in spite of you. For now, I am not comfortable in my own skin. I can only pray that some day I will be strong enough to overpower your negative implications and my negative thoughts.