To The Bullies Who Called Me A Lesbian In Middle School, Thank You For Helping Me Come Out To The World

To The Bullies Who Called Me A Lesbian In Middle School, Thank You For Helping Me Come Out To The World

You weren't completely right, but your constant ridicule helped me discover who I truly was.

36
views

Seventh grade was pure hell. It was never physical, but being a book-loving teacher's pet made me the perfect target for bullying. I'll always remember how my classmates called me "child murderer" after bringing "Suffer the Children" by John Saul to school, and the constant jokes about the unibrow I began to grow will always stick with me. I'll always be insecure about those things, but there was one other thing that they all subjected me to.

I remember it well. We were walking from art class to math, and Esmeralda was laughing with her friends. She turned to me and called me a lesbian, and it hurt more than anything else I had ever been called.

It was shortly before the Obama era, when LGBT+ rights would be focused on heavily and non-heterosexual people could come out more freely. "Lesbian" was one of the worst insults you could throw at our ages. I mean, what girl would like other girls, right? It was disgusting!

But I guess I was disgusting, and she called me out on it. I'd been wrestling with it for years, my attraction to women, and she and her friends were laughing at my sexuality. Sure, they just meant it as a mean joke, but how disgusted would they be if they found out they were right?

And they must have seen how much it impacted me. For the rest of the year I was called a "child murderer" and "lesbian," and for the rest of the year, I was reminded that I was attracted to some of the girls in my school—and that they would think I was disgusting if I ever admitted it.

I couldn't repress the feelings I had, the emotions that were always kept hidden away. I had crushes on my classmates of either gender. I got butterflies when I saw my prettier friends, just like I got butterflies when I saw my handsome friends. Gender simply didn't matter, and every time I was called a lesbian, I was reminded of these little butterflies.

A year later, I came out to my parents as bisexual.

Seven years later, I came out openly as pansexual.

Unlike most of my peers, I would date anyone as long as I had an emotional connection with them. Man, woman, transgender, gender nonconforming... none of it mattered. I just wanted that connection, and with that connection, I could find a romantic and sexual attraction.

Thanks to my seventh-grade bullies, I came to understand who I was and what my sexuality meant. Thanks to my bullies, I was forced to confront something I had been repressing for years. Thanks to my bullies, I grew to understand that not everyone will accept my sexuality. Thanks to my bullies, I embraced who I was and found a way to express my sexuality in a safe manner.

So thank you. You were a little off, but your cruelty helped me. As soon as I came to terms with who I was, you gave me more happiness than you ever got from picking on me.

Popular Right Now

To The Girls I Wasn't Good Enough For Because I'm Transgender

A thank you to those I wasn't enough for, because I'm transgender.

17352
views

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was breaking my back for women and for relationships that were nothing but toxic.

I tried so hard to prove I was enough; man enough, worthy enough, and deserving of your love. To the girls who made me feel as if I wasn't enough because I'm a transman, thank you. No, this is not me being sarcastic or trying to "throw shade." I'm not "spilling any tea."

Maybe I've been listening to too much Ariana Grande, but this is a sincere thank you.

In the beginning, it wasn't always as clear as you blatantly saying "no one will love you for what you are" like you did at the end, you had your own special ways of making me feel little and inadequate. You kept me a secret because you didn't want to be called a "lesbian" or have people question your sexuality.

Your image was more important than me and my feelings.

You took a backseat and jokingly agreed whenever anyone would tell you to "get a real man." Your slick comments about being artificial and lacking a certain appendage cut much deeper than you could have ever imagined. Intimate contact from you was forced and I could see the slightly disgusted look on your face whenever it happened.

Your constant comparing me to your ex-lovers and even men you might take a future interest in because they "didn't require surgery or hormones to be men" broke me down lower than the dirt beneath your shoe. You knew it, and I believe you enjoyed it. I was never a priority and I was never your first choice, hell, I wasn't even your third or fourth choice.

You just liked knowing you had your power over me.

You did whatever it took to keep me wrapped around your finger, feeding me just enough to keep me coming back just to rip the rug from under me.

I took such pride in being transgender before you came along and ripped that right apart. I spent too much of my time questioning myself. Why wasn't I good enough? What could I do to become good enough? How could I change myself to be better for you?

Would you love me if I wasn't Trans? Would I be good enough then?

I was beginning to hate myself again and question the choices I made to become my authentic self. I would look upon myself and my body with shame. What a sick and twisted way of thinking. These thoughts ate away at me for the entirety of my relationships.

That's not love. That's toxicity.

It is because of you and your manipulation that I hit an all-time low, my absolute rock bottom, but there's only one way to go from such a low, and that is up.

It is because of you and our failed relationships that I am a better person than I was when I knew you. Our relationships weren't always bad, I'll give you that, but they certainly got there in time. I shared a few very special and incredible moments with some of my exes that I'll carry with me for life. I'm not being cocky when I say they weren't the best for me, but I believe I was the best for them.

Out of everyone, I had the most to offer. I did the most for them, I put them before me.

I loved them (or thought I did) despite destroying me with every cruel and degrading word that left their mouths. They took for granted and lost someone who would've moved mountains for a simple smile.

Regardless of how our stories ended, I will always want the best for them, silently cheering them on from the sidelines.

I hope they got what they wanted. I hope they never find themselves in a relationship with someone who treats them as they treated me. I hope no one belittles them, ignores them, or makes them fight so hard for their love or attention. No one in the world deserves to be treated that way.

At this point in my life, I can honestly say I'm more confident and sure of myself than I have ever been.

And it's because of you, thank you.

Thank you for telling me and making me feel like I wasn't enough because now I know it's not that I wasn't enough, maybe I was too much, but you're never too much for someone who can't get enough of you. Thank you for breaking me down because in those days is where I did the most self-reflection. I will never question myself again. I will never apologize or make an excuse for being who I am.

Thank you for leaving me completely alone, because I was able to grow and be stable on my own two feet, without you. I learned to find the positivity again that you stole from me. I learned to love myself again, by myself, making damn sure this time it wouldn't falter again for anyone. I learned I didn't need to beg for another chance from you, but to instead give that chance to myself.

By giving myself that chance I am thriving and living as the happiest I've ever been. Thank you for kicking me down so low, because I've rebuilt myself back better than I ever thought possible.

Thank you for being so bad for me, because I can now appreciate how special my current relationship is. I'm so lucky to have finally found someone who never lets me question or doubt myself for a split second.

I'm with someone who doesn't cringe when she sees my chest scars, someone who wants to learn how to give me my testosterone shot, and who showers me with reassurance every single day. I'm so grateful to have found someone who makes me forget all about being transgender, who wants to learn my body and how to love it alongside with me. What a beautiful turn of events it's been.

I take all that I've learned from you and I've flipped it so that I am able to give my all to someone who finally deserves it.

Thank you.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Kids Learning About LGBTQ History In School Is A Step In The Right Direction

It will create a better environment for the youth of America.

25
views

On February 1st, there was an article posted, talking about the bill that was passed on Thursday, January 31st that required schools to teach LGBT history.

I initially saw this article on my Facebook timeline when a conservative acquaintance of mine posted it and said how terrible it is and that it's "another reason to move out of state".

Additionally, some of his friends commented under the post about how outraged they were that this is now a thing, saying that they're going to send their kids to private schools or homeschool them because they "don't want their kids to question their sexuality".

Well, I've got news for you. I know plenty of kids who went to private school with me and they are a part of the LGBT community. You have no way of preventing your child from questioning who they are or being gay.

I grew up going to a private school, where religious beliefs and the thought that it's not okay to be different were shoved down our throats daily. Now, I'm not saying private school was a bad thing; if I didn't go there, I might not have the morals I do.

Private school was actually a good thing for developing good morals. I'm saying that forcing a certain way of thinking will only make your child stray further.

As stated in the screenshot from the article above, children learning about the LGBT community will NOT force your child to question who they are. Questioning who you are is a part of life. Everyone questions who they are at one point or another.


Learning about LGBT leaders and contributors will make kids less ignorant in the subject and more rounded in the history of our country. LGBT kids will be less scared, and non-LGBT kids will be more accepting and knowledgable.

We've learned black history, history of immigrants, and the history of the country since we were little. The LGBT community is a part of our history.

When my parents were growing up, no one talked about serious issues like mental health and sexuality. Everyone suppressed everything. Conservatives act like being gay is a disease and keeping their kids away from DIVERSITY and INCLUSION will make their kids "normal", which isn't even a thing.

I'm proud of the direction that New Jersey is going in. A good chunk of mental health issues are linked to having to suppress who you really are. By learning about others that are like them, LGBTQ+ youth will feel less alone and will be able to open up more.

It's 2019 and it's about damn time that this bill was passed.

Related Content

Facebook Comments