I just completed my first year in college and I have come to the conclusion that I have not matured in any way, whatsoever. When I came to college, I thought that my life was all figured out. I "knew" what I wanted as a career, how to get there, and what steps I needed to take every day to achieve my goals. In my eyes, these were things a mature adult was supposed to know. Turns out everything that I thought I knew was beginning to twist and turn leaving me in a pile of questions and contemplations. I was scared. If I am questioning what I want to do in the future, how am I supposed to act like a mature and responsible adult?

The one thing that came to mind was: when I was younger, I thought about how much I wanted “to grow up and be an adult”. I envisioned an adult to be someone who had perfect posture and wore clothing without any wrinkles or stains. Someone who spoke confidently and raised their pinky when drinking from a cup. More importantly, I envisioned an adult to have everything figured out.

Let's fast forward to a decade into the future: the same girl who had expectations as an adult is now walking around in sweatpants and t-shirts because she has no idea how to iron, slouches because she is too engrossed to sit up straight, and gulping coffee from a paper cup with all her fingers holding on to it. More importantly, this girl has reached adulthood by defintion but has no idea what she is doing. Oddly enough, she is ok with it.

If there was one thing I learned my freshmen year, it was that it's ok to not know what you are going to do. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out. Rather than letting life take its course, we are too immersed in thoughts about our futures and life decisions. It's like we are in kids "grown-up" suits. As young adults, we still wanted to enjoy our lives just as we did as children. So why do we have to stop that part of ourselves once we've reached the 1-8?

When we come to college, we are just starting to understand the world around us. This is our chance to explore new things and meet new people. It's an array of experiences and it's something that is more awarding than what I originally planned. Yes, I may legally be an adult. However, by the standards of my younger self, I have not completely reached adulthood. It's time for the mind of my now older self to say, "Hey, that's okay."