Dear “If You Don't Have a College Job, You Can't Complain About College Stress,”
I understand.
When Odyssey featured your article on Facebook, I know you got some pretty angry feedback. I just want to let you know that I get where you’re coming from and you are not the first person to have those types of opinions.
I work three part-time jobs in order to pay tuition, fill my car with gas, buy food, etc. Growing up, I learned that if I wanted something I needed to figure out how to get it on my own. I always felt awkward in high school because I was the only one of my friends not to have a car but when I had finally saved up enough money to buy a somewhat decent car second semester of freshman year I felt so gratified. It is a little depressing to think that even after scholarships and working all the time I’m still going to be in major debt when I graduate but having to provide for myself financially has taught me so much about money management, work ethic, and, yes, how to deal with inordinate amounts of stress. My parents do help me out from time to time by filling my tank or taking me to Culver’s and although I totally appreciate it every time they do, I absolutely resonate with feeling, to use your words, “like the antichrist” when they take care of something for me.
I believe what you were trying to do in your article was convey your annoyance at those few students on every college campus whose parents have always taken care of everything for them so that they don’t appreciate it. The guy you see partying every weeknight but then complaining how he always has so much to do and is so stressed. Or the girl who is constantly telling you how broke she is and then walks into class the next day wearing brand new Timberlands. The Extremes.
What your article comes across as, though, is a little aggressive. That anyone fortunate enough to have parents who are willing and able to support them and have the ability to focus on school can’t ever feel stressed, or at least, is not allowed to voice their stress when they have a big test coming up or a fifteen-page paper due in a couple days.
Let me be clear. You, nor I, nor anyone, has a monopoly on stress. We are not allowed to claim it for ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve struggled with this too. Having empathy for the complaints of someone who you view, or maybe even admits, to have a way easier schedule than you is tough and it takes practice. However, another aspect “to be a successful adult,” as you put it, is to be able to sympathize and have compassion for others.
Many would, and did, accuse you of having your mind closed off to the other aspects that may make life stressful.
The guy who was the quarterback of our football team last year is now attending Harvard Medical School. Even if he didn’t work during school (which I have no idea if he did or not) I’m sure being at practice all the time and having the whole team looking to you for leadership, earning top grades in classes, taking the MCAT, and applying for med schools was incredibly stressful.
I’m sure the girl who is in my class could believe you don’t understand what stress is. Sure, you work and have a full class load and maybe you’re involved in a lot of extra-curricular activities too. But imagine trying to do all that while trying to be a single mom to a two-year-old at the age of 19.
A friend of mine had an incredibly hard time focusing in class and on her homework because of the meds she is on for her bipolar disorder.
My younger sister simply does not deal well with stress. She is still in high school and does work but she can’t deal with stress the way I can. She can’t pull all-nighters or pretend that everything is okay when she is under a lot of pressure. She gets extremely anxious and just shuts down. It’s just the way her brain works. She will freely admit that my life is way more stressful than hers but does that mean I can’t sympathize with her? Does that mean she’s not allowed to be stressed?
Again, I get it. When a friend of mine told me she doesn’t have any loans for school because between her scholarships, what her parents help her with, and what she pays for with her jobs she didn’t need any, I almost screamed. In fact, I think I did. But she takes her classes really seriously, puts in a lot of effort, is a triple major, works two jobs, and is heavily involved in clubs on campus. She is allowed to be stressed even though her parents are able to help her and mine aren’t. She has a right to her feelings.
As does everyone.
I think the major problem people had with what you said is that you made broad generalizations and were very aggressive about it. Calling someone “a spoiled brat” isn’t really a good way to start a conversation. Claiming that they are able to spend their parent’s money whenever they want on whatever they want, no matter how expensive or frivolous, that they have “unlimited time to be social,” and say they won’t grow up to be a successful adult, is a little out of line.
Instead of pointing fingers at other people and attacking them based on your general assumptions maybe just share your feelings on how much stress having a job during college is. Start a conversation. Don’t put others down.
That is not only rude but it can be dangerous as well.
According to the National College Health Assessment in 2013, about one-third of university students suffer from depression and almost one-half have experienced “overwhelming anxiety.” Not only that but Dr. Ben Locke, a psychologist from Pennsylvania State University, said that “30 percent of students who seek services for mental health issues report that they have seriously considered attempting suicide at some point in their lives.”
Telling people that aren’t entitled to their feelings can have serious consequences. It can perpetuate the stigma around mental illness, make people less likely to take about their feelings and seek help, and devalue their experiences as humans.
You don’t have to think, as some may have implied in their comments, that you’re the worst person in the world. Maybe just be a little softer in your approach. If the article was attacking a category you fit in, would you be upset at the delivery?
Sincerely,
A fellow working college student.
