"It's so much fun!"

"Oh my god, you're going to love it."

"It'll be the best time!"

That's what everybody told me before I started my first year of college. There's this stereotype that college will be the "best four years of your life." I'm calling bullshit right now. If this mold-covered dorm room, cheap vodka, and lingering sickness is the best then I want a refund.

Having the mindset that I did as a freshman mad me incredibly sad. Every time something went wrong I would flash back to "the best four years" quote and blame myself for not having a good time. It took me over a year to realize that constant happiness isn't the reality for most people, myself included. I was just waiting for college to be fun, to meet my best friends, and to completely and utterly love my life.

I hate to break it to you but college usually isn't like the movies. You probably won't meet your best friends the first day. The dinning halls aren't gourmet and the gym isn't always pristine. Sororities don't always run smoothly, and frat parties aren't a blast. The televised version of college always captures the extremes. The character is always having either the best time or the worst time of their life. Well, it isn't like that for me. College is fine. It's not great and it's not awful. It's lukewarm.

The best piece of advice that I had to give myself and am now giving you is to not compare your experience to anybody else's. Don't ask yourself "why are they having a good time and I'm not?" Instead, ask yourself, "what can I do to help myself have a better time?" I had to stop blaming my unhappiness on others and take responsibility for it. It's not up to others to make me happy; I'm not their problem.

I thought I wanted to party every weekend but I soon found out I had really bad social anxiety in those types of settings so it stopped being fun and became more of a chore: drink enough to not be anxious. It got unhealthy so I pulled back, spent less time going out and more time figuring out what was actually fun for me. Driving around and blasting music wth my friends, having wine nights, getting out of my room and into nature; these things helped me have a good enough time.

I don't think college should be about having "the best four years of you life." That sets the bar way too high and leaves too much room for disappointment. College can be fun and lonely and amazing and sad all at the same time. It's not a roller coaster of highs and lows, but more of a wave pool with constant swells and valleys, none too deep and none too high. It pushes you out and pulls you back in and there's really nothing you can about it other than keep your head above water and just keep treading.